1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:04,537 >> MAYDAY! 2 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:05,238 MAYDAY! 3 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:06,339 WE HAVE BROKEN ORBIT! 4 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:09,042 REPEAT: "GARGANTUA 1" HAS BROKEN ORBIT! 5 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,543 WE'VE LOST STABILIZERS! 6 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,180 RETROROCKETS ARE OFFLINE AND ALL FAIL SAFES HAVE, WELL, 7 00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:15,048 FAILED! 8 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:18,218 HOUSTON, DO YOU COPY?! 9 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,819 WE'RE DONE FOR, ANNA. 10 00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:22,655 MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR HIGHER POWER. 11 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,624 >> THERE IS ONE THING WE COULD TRY. 12 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,625 >> ANNA! 13 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,394 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 14 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,796 RESTRAIN YOURSELF! 15 00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:35,468 [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] 16 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:40,640 [FANFARE PLAYING] [CHEERING] 17 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,357 >> [SCOFFS] LOOK AT THAT. 18 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:58,758 CLAMORING FOR A PIECE OF THAT BIG PHONY. 19 00:00:58,825 --> 00:00:59,492 THAT SHOULD BE ME UP THERE. 20 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,326 >> REALLY? 21 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,095 WHY IS THAT EXACTLY? 22 00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,763 >> IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE? 23 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,666 WHOSE SPACE STATION JUST SAVED THE WORLD, MANSTRONG'S? 24 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,867 NO, MINE. 25 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:09,235 HE WAS JUST ALONG FOR THE RIDE. 26 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,371 THEY MIGHT AS WELL GIVE A MEDAL TO THE SEATS WHILE THEY'RE 27 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,273 PINNING ONE ON LUCK ROGERS OVER THERE. 28 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,040 >> LUCK ROGERS? 29 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:14,674 >> HA HA. 30 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,742 YOU LIKE THAT. 31 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,744 I ALMOST SAID FLASH "IN THE PAN" GORDON. 32 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:18,678 >> GLAD YOU DIDN'T. 33 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,779 >> NO PICTURES, SON. 34 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,080 >> HEY! 35 00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:22,115 AW, GYP! 36 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,250 >> HEY, HEY! 37 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,921 >> [GRUNTING] YEAH. 38 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,789 JOIN THE BUSH CLUB. 39 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,524 >> SAMPSON. 40 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,325 >> HOUSER. 41 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,594 >> SAMPSON. 42 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,695 >> HOUSER. 43 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:39,699 >> SAMPSON... 44 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,534 >> WHAT'S THE MATTER, COULDN'T HACK FIELD WORK ANY 45 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,037 MORE, SO THEY MADE YOU WHITE HOUSE HALL MONITOR? 46 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,673 >> YOU LISTEN TO ME, AND YOU LISTEN TO ME GREAT, SAMPSON. 47 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,641 YOU MAY BE A WEST SIDE, BUT HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE, 48 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:50,210 YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER CIVILIAN. 49 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:54,013 AND I GOT MY EYES ON YOU. 50 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,982 BOTH OF YOU. 51 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:56,883 >> UH. 52 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:57,750 FRIEND OF YOURS? 53 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:59,052 >> WE WERE IN NAM TOGETHER. 54 00:01:59,118 --> 00:01:59,486 >> OH. 55 00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:00,453 WAIT. 56 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,988 YOU WERE, LIKE, 10 DURING VIETNAM. 57 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:05,058 >> OH, I DIDN'T SAY DURING THE WAR. 58 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:32,418 >> THERE I WAS GRAPPLING WITH THE CONTROLS OF THE PROUD AND 59 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:37,357 MIGHTY GRAND DAME OF THE STARS AS SHE BURNED UP ON REENTRY. 60 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:39,726 >> [GASPS] >> OH, LET HIM HAVE HIS MOMENT. 61 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,028 I'LL HAVE MY TURN AS SOON AS THE PRESIDENT GETS A LOAD OF A 62 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,564 CERTAIN LITTLE SOMETHING SOMETHING I JUST HAPPENED TO 63 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:45,832 BRING ALONG. 64 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,567 >> OH, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T BRING THAT THING WITH YOU. 65 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:48,635 >> UCCH! 66 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,937 DO YOU HATE THESE THINGS AS MUCH AS I DO? 67 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,872 BUNCH OF BACK-PATTING PHONIES. 68 00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,574 AT LEAST THE WINE IS DECENT. 69 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,743 KEEP IT COMING, HONEY. 70 00:02:56,809 --> 00:03:00,880 >> AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I WAS WAKING UP IN AN ARMY 71 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,182 HOSPITAL IN IRANISTAN. 72 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,551 >> REALLY? 73 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,353 AND THAT'S ALL YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THE WHOLE DARNED THING? 74 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,155 >> UNFORTUNATELY, YES. 75 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,623 HA. 76 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:14,694 I SUPPOSE IT WAS THAT NASTY BUMP ON THE HEAD I TOOK IN THE CRASH. 77 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:15,962 >> MANSTRONG? 78 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,699 COLONEL BUD MANSTRONG, CAN YOU HEAR ME? 79 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:20,833 HE'S COMING OUT OF IT. 80 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,435 THE PROCEDURE WAS A SUCCESS. 81 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:23,536 >> WHAT ABOUT THE CHIP? 82 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:24,804 >> IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 83 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,638 >> HEY! 84 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:26,873 WHO'S YOUR FRIEND OVER HERE? 85 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,274 >> THAT'S BROCK SAMPSON. 86 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,410 BUT HE IS NO FRIEND OF MINE. 87 00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:31,778 >> TOO BAD. 88 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:34,781 >> REMEMBER WHEN I CALLED TO TELL YOU I'D BEEN ACCOSTED ON 89 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:35,949 "GARGANTUA 1"? 90 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,250 >> OF COURSE I DO. 91 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,718 OH, THE TEARS. 92 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,253 THE SNIFFLING. 93 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,854 >> YES, WELL... 94 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,222 HE'S THE FELLOW WHO DID IT. 95 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,624 >> HIM? 96 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:47,060 SO, WHY'D YOU BEAT MY LITTLE BOY UP AND STEAL HIS GIRLFRIEND, 97 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,127 BLONDIE? 98 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,062 >> OH, MOTHER. 99 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:50,730 >> DON'T SAY TOO MUCH, DO YOU. 100 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,065 WELL, THAT'S OK. 101 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,934 I LIKE THE STRONG AND SILENT TYPES. 102 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:59,305 >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A TOAST TO COLONEL BUD MANSTRONG-- 103 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:03,443 A MAN OF BRAVERY, INTEGRITY, AND INDOMITABLE SPIRIT-- 104 00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:06,179 >> OH, QUIT BLOWING SMOKE UP THE BOY'S ASS, BREYER. 105 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:09,182 WE ALL KNOW THE REAL REASON BUD'S HERE: YOUR 106 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:12,819 ADMINISTRATION'S IN THE CRAPPER, AND YOU NEED MRS. MANSTRONG'S 107 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,989 LITTLE BOY SCOUT ON THE TEAM TO POLISH THAT TURD. 108 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:16,923 >> UH... 109 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:17,690 HA. 110 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,426 TO BUD. 111 00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:21,427 >> WHOOPSIE. 112 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:22,528 >> MOTHER! 113 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,530 YOU CAN'T TALK TO THE PRESIDENT LIKE THAT. 114 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,265 >> WELL, I DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIM. 115 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:29,402 LISTEN, YOU JUST KEEP SMILING AND LET YOUR MOTHER DEAL WITH 116 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,403 THE POLITICS. 117 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,438 HE'S EMBARRASSED BY HIS MOTHER. 118 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,308 I BREAST-FED THIS ONE TILL HE LOST HIS BABY TEETH, AND HE'S 119 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,476 EMBARRASSED BY ME? 120 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:37,310 >> OH, MOTHER! 121 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,711 >> PRUDISH. 122 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,247 TAKES AFTER HIS FATHER, THE LATE SENATOR, GOD REST HIS SOUL. 123 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:45,351 MAN COULDN'T FIND A G-SPOT WITHOUT A SENATE SUBCOMMITTEE. 124 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,619 >> OH, MOTHER! 125 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,388 >> SAY, BUD-- OR IS IT BUDLY? 126 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,122 BUDWARD? 127 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:49,889 WHAT'S BUD SHORT FOR? 128 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,590 >> NOTHING. 129 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:51,758 IT'S JUST BUD. 130 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:52,191 >> YEAH? 131 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:53,593 OH. 132 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,529 SEEING AS HOW YOU'RE ALL TIGHT WITH THE BIG GUY--BECAUSE YOU 133 00:04:56,596 --> 00:05:00,800 BROKE MY SPACE STATION--I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU MIGHT PUT 134 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,535 IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME-- >> WHY DON'T YOU STOP BOTHERING 135 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,871 MY SON, YOU AWFUL LITTLE NOBODY! 136 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,339 VULTURES, BUDDY. 137 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,208 EVERYONE'S GONNA WANT A PIECE OF YOU NOW, BUT YOU DON'T GIVE 'EM 138 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:10,109 A THING. 139 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,277 ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! 140 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,478 >> YES, MOTHER. 141 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:16,049 >> COLONEL BUD MANSTRONG, LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. 142 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,584 >> YES, MOTHER. 143 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,727 >> SO, THEN THE TEACHER SAID, "JOHNNY DEEPER!" 144 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,329 AND SO HE'S STICKS IT IN DEEPER. 145 00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:33,066 WHAT?! 146 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,101 >> SERIOUSLY, LADY! 147 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,235 KNOCK IT OFF! 148 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,571 I'M NOT INTO IT! 149 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,474 >> SMOOTH. 150 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:42,642 >> WELL... 151 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,111 PERHAPS WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT, EH, FOLKS? 152 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,647 THANK Y'ALL FOR COMING, AND PLEASE, LET'S... 153 00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:51,050 LET'S HAVE ANOTHER ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE GOOD COLONEL. 154 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:51,784 COME ON. 155 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:52,885 HANDS TOGETHER. 156 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,121 YOU, TOO. 157 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,056 UH, BUD, WHY DON'T YOU COME SEE ME 158 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,292 PRIVATELY IN THE OVAL OFFICE. 159 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,293 >> TSK, TSK. 160 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,962 YOU BOYS BETTER COME WITH ME. 161 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:03,663 >> BUT... 162 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,031 JOHNNY DEEPER! 163 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,033 >> I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR. 164 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,568 MOTHER IS... 165 00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,103 HEADSTRONG. 166 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:14,073 SHE SPEAKS HER MIND AND ONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN. 167 00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,309 >> OH, NOW DON'T YOU SWEAT IT, COLONEL HANGDOG. 168 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,477 YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT. 169 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,846 MY ADMINISTRATION'S UP TO ITS ASS IN SCANDAL. 170 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:21,948 HELL, MY V.P. IS UNDER INDICTMENT. 171 00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:24,417 ANYWAYS, I'M UP FOR REELECTION IN NOVEMBER. 172 00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,586 AND I DON'T HAVE A CHINAMAN'S CHANCE UNLESS I FIND ME A 173 00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:28,221 SQUEAKY-CLEAN RUNNING MATE. 174 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,956 GOOD LUCK IN THIS TOWN THOUGH. 175 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:30,857 CIGAR? 176 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,024 >> WELL... 177 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,361 I DON'T USUALLY PARTAKE, BUT, SHUCKS! 178 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,631 I'M NOT IN AN OXYGEN-RICH ENVIRONMENT ANYMORE! 179 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:42,502 AND HOW CAN ONE DECLINE AN OFFER FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THESE 180 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,203 UNITED STATES? 181 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:44,837 >> OH, WAIT. 182 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,939 NOT THAT ONE. 183 00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,709 I'M GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY, BUD, 'CAUSE I'VE GOT A PROPOSITION 184 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:50,843 FOR YOU. 185 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,879 HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE VICE PRESIDENT? 186 00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,514 >> [GASPS] ME?! 187 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,481 >> HELL, YEAH, YOU! 188 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,016 WHO'D YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT? 189 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,451 YOU'RE A GENUINE HERO, BOY. 190 00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,453 THE BUREAU CAN'T FIND A DAMN THING ON YOU. 191 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,356 AND, PLUS, YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT OF THE EYE CANDY FOR THE LADIES. 192 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,057 SPEAKING OF WHICH... 193 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,159 TAKE YOUR PICK. 194 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:09,328 >> I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW YOU, SIR. 195 00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:12,498 >> ANY OF MY SECRETARIAL STAFF-- EXCEPT THE ONE ON THE BLUE DRESS 196 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:13,432 THAT SMELLS LIKE THIS. 197 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:14,267 >> OH, DEAR LORD! 198 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,468 >> HA HA! 199 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,570 THAT PHYLLIS' GOT MY NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER HER! 200 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:18,237 HA HA HA. 201 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,605 LITERALLY! 202 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,908 I ONCE WROTE MY NAME ON THE FRONT OF MY DRESS WITH THE TIP 203 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,576 OF MY-- >> OH, NO! 204 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:24,443 I'M NOT HEARING THIS! 205 00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:25,745 I'M NOT HEARING THIS! 206 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,880 GOOD EVENING, SIR! 207 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:32,084 [GROANS] >> [SNIFFS] 208 00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,753 UH, CASS? 209 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,922 I'LL TAKE THAT BLOWJOB NOW. 210 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:39,025 >> NOW, YOU BOYS GET YOURSELVES TO SLEEP, AND DON'T YOU WORRY 211 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,426 ABOUT A THING. 212 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:43,396 I'M JUST GONNA GET SOME CLUB SODA ON THESE HERE STAINS BEFORE 213 00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:44,197 THEY SET. 214 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,731 ALL YOUR TROUBLES BE OVER. 215 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,067 >> I DON'T THINK CLUB SODA CAN FIX MY PROBLEM. 216 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:48,835 >> HA HA. 217 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,002 CHILD. 218 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:52,438 LITTLE CLUB SODA GET OUT MOST ANYTHING. 219 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:53,239 >> WAIT! 220 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,106 DON'T LEAVE! 221 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,308 >> DUDE, WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE? 222 00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,176 >> I--I SAW SOMETHING. 223 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,978 I THINK THIS PLACE IS... 224 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,046 HAUNTED. 225 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,881 >> OH, YOU'RE JUST BEING SUPERSTITIOUS. 226 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:02,748 >> I AM NOT! 227 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,617 JUST EXTRASTITIOUS. 228 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,452 THERE'S SOMETHING WIGGY GOING ON. 229 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:07,687 I CAN FEEL IT. 230 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:10,022 IT'S LIKE--LIKE WE'RE BEING WATCHED. 231 00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,624 >> YEAH, WELL, DUH. 232 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,625 >> LINCOLN BEDROOM IS SECURE. 233 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,393 OVER. 234 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,461 >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 235 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:16,462 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 236 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,064 SLOW DOWN, BUDDY. 237 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,432 TELL MAMA WHAT HAPPENED. 238 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,800 >> IT WAS HORRIBLE, MOTHER. 239 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:25,838 THAT DROOLING FOUL-MOUTH PERVERT OF A MAN--AND CRUDE! 240 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:29,942 HE SAID THE MOST DISGRACEFUL, RIBALDROUS THINGS. 241 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:30,810 >> YEAH, YEAH. 242 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,311 DID HE OFFER YOU VICE PRESIDENT? 243 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:33,646 >> HE DID. 244 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,716 AND I TOLD HIM HE COULD JUST TAKE THAT JOB AND HE COULD-- 245 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:40,620 HE COULD STICK--HE COULD TAKE IT AND HE COULD STICK THE JOB IN-- 246 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,722 AND I RAN AWAY! 247 00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:46,058 >> THEN GET BACK IN THERE AND TELL HIM YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND. 248 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,761 YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH YOU AND SHOW YOU HOW-- 249 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,264 LIKE WHEN MAMA HELD YOUR PEE-PEE AND TAUGHT YOU HOW TO MAKE YOUR 250 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,398 SISSIES? 251 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,433 >> BUT, MOTHER, YOU SAID NOT TO GIVE ANYONE 252 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,601 ANYTHING. 253 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:57,770 >> WITHOUT GETTING SOMETHING IN RETURN, BUDDY. 254 00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,605 YOU GOTTA MAKE HIM PAY, BUDDY. 255 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,608 >> BUT I DON'T WANT-- >> COLONEL BUD MANSTRONG, 256 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,977 LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. 257 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,214 YOU WILL GO BACK IN THERE AND TAKE THIS JOB BECAUSE IT 258 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,584 WILL PUT YOU NEXT TO THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD. 259 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:15,888 NOW, BE A MAN AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE. 260 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,390 >> OH, COME ON, BROCK. 261 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:18,624 JUST BUY ME 5 MINUTES. 262 00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,259 I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY PITCH ALL WEEK. 263 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,093 >> AAGH! 264 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,129 YOU JUST HAVE NO CLUE, DO YOU? 265 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,431 THESE AREN'T A BUNCH OF FAKE PIRATES OR DINKS IN RUBBER 266 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,832 BUTTERFLY SUITS, DOC. 267 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:30,336 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE. 268 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,804 >> PLEASE. 269 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,606 WE'LL BOTH BE OFF THE HOOK WHEN HE FEASTS HIS EYES ON WHAT I'VE 270 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,473 GOT TO OFFER. 271 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,841 THIS THING SELLS ITSELF. 272 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,576 IF IT DOESN'T, I CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY YOU THIS MONTH. 273 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:38,811 >> YOU DON'T PAY ME. 274 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,546 >> WHY DO YOU KEEP LOOKING AROUND? 275 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,782 YOU'RE REALLY AFRAID OF THAT HAUSER GUY, AREN'T YOU? 276 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:43,482 >> NO. 277 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,251 MANSTRONG'S MOM. 278 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,988 SHE'S GOT A FEW DRINKS IN HER, AND SHE TRIED TO FREE NELSON 279 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,656 MANDELA UNDER THE TABLE. 280 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:51,457 >> UGH! 281 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,491 SAY... 282 00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,060 OK, PLAN B. 283 00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:57,196 YOU THROW THE OLD BROAD A MERCY LAY, AND IN EXCHANGE SHE 284 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,399 SWEET-TALKS THE PRESIDENT FOR ME. 285 00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:04,503 >> NICE SCENE YOU MADE AT DINNER, SAMPSON. 286 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,873 DON'T EVER EMBARRASS THE PRESIDENT LIKE THAT AGAIN. 287 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,710 I DON'T THINK THE AGENCY COULD POSSIBLY DEMOTE YOU ANY LOWER 288 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,345 THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. 289 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:16,215 BUT I HEAR THERE'S AN OPENING IN THE MAIL ROOM... 290 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,551 HELSINKI BRANCH. 291 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,252 HA HA HA. 292 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,421 [CELL PHONE RINGS] I GOTTA TAKE-- 293 00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:23,122 I GOT A CALL. 294 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,323 I GOTTA TAKE THIS. 295 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,491 >> YOU KNOW WHAT, DOC? 296 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:26,325 YOU'RE ON. 297 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,059 >> REALLY? 298 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,961 PLAN A OR PLAN B? 299 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:31,130 >> [SHUDDERING] 300 00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,674 [WHIMPERING] 301 00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,892 >> VENTURE BROTHERS! 302 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,394 YOU MUST HELP ME! 303 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:05,831 COLONEL MANSTRONG IS GOING TO ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT! 304 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,133 >> HANK, WAKE UP! 305 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,869 IT'S THE GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN! 306 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,405 >> WHO? 307 00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,111 >> MR. PRESIDENT 308 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,980 YOU--YOU--YOU, BUT... 309 00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,048 WELL... 310 00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:24,683 JUST DO IT, BUDDY. 311 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:28,454 >> MR. PRESIDENT... 312 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,823 [GUNSHOT] >> OH, MY GOD! 313 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,826 >> [GRUNTING] >> OH, HELLO, DR. VENTURE. 314 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,661 >> MR. PRESIDENT, IF I COULD JUST HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR 315 00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:37,696 VALUABLE TIME, I HAVE SOMETHING AMAZING TO SHOW YOU! 316 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:38,631 >> SECURITY BREECH! 317 00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:39,665 SECURITY BREECH! 318 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:40,466 DAMN IT! 319 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,600 HAUSER, WHERE ARE YOU?! 320 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:42,268 >> WHOO! 321 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,436 >> THANK GOD! 322 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:45,638 ARREST THIS MA-- HEY, YOU'RE NOT MY GUY. 323 00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:46,472 >> GOT ABOUT A MINUTE, DOC. 324 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,339 MAKE IT COUNT. 325 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:48,674 >> HEAR ME OUT, YOUR EXCELLENCY. 326 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,510 IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, THEN YOU'RE SUPER CONCERNED 327 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:52,778 ABOUT SECURITY. 328 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,514 BECAUSE IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES, WHAT COULD BE MORE 329 00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:58,451 IMPORTANT THAN THE SAFETY OF YOUR FAMILY, YOUR HOME, YOUR 330 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:01,020 COUNTRY, AND YOUR TROOPS ON THE BATTLEFIELD. 331 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:02,721 >> HEY, DOWN IN FRONT, STICK! 332 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,023 WE WERE TALKING HERE! 333 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,858 >> ALLOW ME TO FORMALLY MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE WITH THE 334 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:09,228 VENTURE DOME, THE WORLD'S FIRST FULLY PORTABLE BATTERY-POWERED 335 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,729 INVISIBLE FORCE FIELD. 336 00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,264 >> GUN! 337 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,199 >> A MICROCHIP! 338 00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:14,300 MICROCHIP! 339 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:15,768 IT'S IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. 340 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,671 HIS MOTHER IS USING IT TO CONTROL HIM, AND SHE'S GOING TO 341 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,006 MAKE HIM ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT. 342 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,007 >> UH... 343 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,809 IT JUST SOUNDS A LITTLE FAR-FETCHED. 344 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:24,610 >> YEAH. 345 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:25,377 THANK YOU. 346 00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:26,378 I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT. 347 00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:27,947 >> WHAT--I-- DIDN'T EITHER OF YOU SEE 348 00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,782 "THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE"? 349 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,550 NOT EVEN THE REMAKE WITH DENZEL? 350 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:32,651 COME ON. 351 00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,820 I'VE BEEN DEAD FOR 7 SCORE YEARS AND EVEN-- 352 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:35,621 >> WHO IS THIS GUY? 353 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:36,956 >> ABRAHAM LINCOLN! 354 00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:39,458 16th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! 355 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,092 COME ON! 356 00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,193 YOU'RE KIDDING ME! 357 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,028 >> YEAH, DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING IN BED? 358 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,063 >> ALL RIGHT. 359 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,564 ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS? 360 00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,466 I'M THE $5.00 BILL GUY. 361 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,368 >> YOU INVENTED THE $5.00 BILL? 362 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,302 >> YES, HANK. 363 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,504 YES, I DID. 364 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,573 DEAN, YOU SEEM A LITTLE MORE ON THE BALL HERE. 365 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,375 HELP ME STOP MANSTRONG. 366 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,409 >> WHY DO YOU NEED US? 367 00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,944 >> BECAUSE I'M IMMATERIAL. 368 00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,079 LOOK AT THIS. 369 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,413 IT'S A NO-GO. 370 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,816 NEED TO POSSESS ONE OF YOUR BODIES--JUST FOR A LITTLE 371 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,185 WHILE--TILL I CAN STOP HIM. 372 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,120 WILL ONE OF YOU DO THAT FOR ME? 373 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,522 FOR THE UNION? 374 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:10,523 >> NOT IT! 375 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:11,824 >> ONE, TWO, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. 376 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:12,491 JINX! 377 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,125 YOU OWE ME A COKE! 378 00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,226 >> OH! 379 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,863 >> YOU ARE IN FOR A WORLD OF SUCK, MISTER. 380 00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,566 WHY ARE YOU MEN LOLLY-GAGGING?! 381 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,834 LOCK THIS JACKASS UP. 382 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:22,735 >> THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU. 383 00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:24,103 SOUND-PROOF. 384 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,271 >> WHAT THE SAM-CRAZY... 385 00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:27,606 >> IT'S A FORCE FIELD-- OF MY OWN DESIGN. 386 00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:29,842 >> ALL RIGHT, TURN IT OFF, SMART FACE. 387 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:30,876 >> YOU SMASHED THE REMOTE. 388 00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:33,445 >> WELL, UNPLUG IT THEN--WHATEVER. 389 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,380 >> WHAT AM I, AN AMATEUR? 390 00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:35,781 IT'S BATTERY-POWERED. 391 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,383 EXCELLENT FOR ARMIES IN THE FIELD. 392 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:38,551 >> ALL IN A PACKAGE THIS SMALL? 393 00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:39,585 >> STAND BACK, SIR. 394 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,853 >> UH, I WOULDN'T DO THAT. 395 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,488 THEY'RE NUCLEAR BATTERIES. 396 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,656 >> NUCULAR? 397 00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:45,257 >> WELL, THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY A WORD, BUT, YES. 398 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,859 >> ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, WE GOT A SITUATION HERE. 399 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:47,626 I'M GONNA NEED TROOPS. 400 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,028 >> NOT GONNA WORK EITHER. 401 00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:52,064 JAMS RADIOS, PHONES, INTERCOMS-- ONLY ON THE DELUXE MODEL, OF 402 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,365 COURSE. 403 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,267 >> SO, HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF HERE? 404 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,370 >> WELL, IT'LL RUN OUT OF JUICE ON IT'S OWN IN ABOUT, OH... 405 00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:00,172 WHAT'S THE HALF-LIFE ON COBALT AGAIN? 406 00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:01,373 >> 5.24 YEARS. 407 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,242 >> 5.24 YEARS... 408 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,277 GIVE OR TAKE. 409 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,217 >> YES, YES. 410 00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:12,251 OF COURSE, GENERAL. 411 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,019 YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. 412 00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:14,954 SORRY, HON. 413 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,088 GOTTA WORK TONIGHT. 414 00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,323 NATIONAL EMERGENCY. 415 00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:18,891 >> LITTLE MAN NEED NED HELP? 416 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:19,925 NED PROTECT LITTLE MAN. 417 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:20,626 >> NO, NO, NED. 418 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,493 THANK YOU. 419 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:22,561 I WON'T BE IN ANY DANGER. 420 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:23,696 >> NED LOVE LITTLE MAN! 421 00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:25,898 >> [GRUNTING] OK! 422 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:26,899 A LITTLE TOO TIGHT, NED! 423 00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:27,900 >> UH-OH, UH-OH! 424 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,935 NED GIVE LITTLE MAN THE BRAIN VEIN. 425 00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,537 >> OH, IT'S OK, NED. 426 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,638 YOU READY, CAPTAIN? 427 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,440 >> GASSED UP AND ON THE RUNWAY, CHAIRMAN. 428 00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:35,341 >> DON'T WAIT UP, HON. 429 00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:36,742 MMM! 430 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,777 >> [GASPS] 431 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,817 >> EW! 432 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:45,584 DUDE! 433 00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:46,452 WHAT THE DILLY?! 434 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:47,019 >> DID IT WORK? 435 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,153 WHAT HAPPENED? 436 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,455 >> HONEST ABE'S A MO, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED! 437 00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:50,122 >> SORRY! 438 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:50,823 SORRY! 439 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:51,991 OH, WHAT CAME OVER ME? 440 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,994 I WAS JUST A BIT OVERWHELMED IN A BODY AGAIN. 441 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,662 ALL THOSE HORMONES! 442 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,529 WHOO! 443 00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:58,631 JUST--ALL RIGHT. 444 00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:00,599 JUST LET ME TRY THIS AGAIN. 445 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,635 I'M READY FOR IT THIS TIME. 446 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:04,770 WHO'S TRIANA, BY THE WAY? 447 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:05,471 >> AAGH! 448 00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:06,272 JUST GET IN. 449 00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:07,640 >> AND NO FUNNY BUSINESS. 450 00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,308 >> YES, ALREADY. 451 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,210 LIKE YOU BOYS NEVER EXPERIMENTED. 452 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:13,345 >> DEAN! 453 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,113 >> THERE. 454 00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:15,147 YOU'RE SAFE NOW, SIR. 455 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,715 I'VE SECURED A PERIMETER. 456 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:17,950 >> THAT'S GREAT, HAUSER. 457 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:18,884 >> YOU HEAR THAT, PEOPLE. 458 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,686 NOBODY CROSSES THIS LINE. 459 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,155 OH, YOU THINK YOU COULD MAYBE NOT SMOKE IN HERE? 460 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:24,957 >> FINE. 461 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,358 >> THANK YOU. 462 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,259 OH. 463 00:15:27,326 --> 00:15:28,093 AW. 464 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,695 IT'S STILL GOING. 465 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,297 OH, NOW THE OTHER ONE'S CAUGHT. 466 00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:32,464 NICE ONE. 467 00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,600 EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO SUCK. 468 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,534 IT'S OFFICIAL. 469 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,468 OH, NO! 470 00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:37,569 THEY CALLED MY BROTHER? 471 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,772 COULD THIS BE ANY MORE EMBARRASSING? 472 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,073 YEAH, ALL RIGHT, HI. 473 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,408 I SEE YOU. 474 00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,542 GO TO HELL. 475 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,911 >> WELL, DOC, CAN YOU BREAK IT DOWN OR WHAT? 476 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,113 >> WELL, I COULD TRY TO GENERATE AN ARTIFICIAL 477 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:52,017 EINSTEIN-ROSEN BRIDGE, BUT I CAN'T GUARANTEE WE WOULDN'T BE 478 00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,186 SUCKED INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION. 479 00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,220 WELL! 480 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,722 HEY, THERE, NEPHEW! 481 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,924 WHAT ARE YOU-- DOING? 482 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,392 >> THAT LITTLE BASTARD. 483 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,861 HOW'D HE DO THAT? 484 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,098 >> GOTTA GO. 485 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:07,666 >> WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO THERE, DEAN? 486 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,168 >> WE'RE HELPING OUR NEW GHOST PAL. 487 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,269 >> WELL, AIN'T THAT SOMETHING. 488 00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,671 I WISH MY BOY HAD THAT KIND OF CREATIVITY. 489 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:15,341 >> COLONEL MANSTRONG'S GOING TO ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT. 490 00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:16,875 >> IT'S NOT REALLY HIS FAULT THOUGH. 491 00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:18,077 HIS MOM'S CONTROLLING HIM. 492 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,812 >> DON'T GIVE ME THAT PSYCHO-BABBLE, SON. 493 00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:22,715 AFTER A CERTAIN AGE, A MAN NEEDS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS 494 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:23,682 OWN ACTIONS. 495 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:24,616 >> UM, OK. 496 00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:25,851 >> SURE. 497 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,920 MAYBE IF I HAD HUGGED MY THICK-HEADED SON MORE, HE 498 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,756 WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED THEM FIRES OR STOLEN ALL THAT LACROSSE 499 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,359 EQUIPMENT, BUT, DAMN IT, SOMETIMES THEY'RE JUST BAD 500 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,159 APPLES. 501 00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,928 >> DAMNATION! 502 00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:36,762 FORCE FIELD. 503 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,330 I DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING. 504 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,465 SORRY, DEAN. 505 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:40,466 OK, OK. 506 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:41,433 NEW PLAN. 507 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,801 >> WELL, YOU JUST K.O.ed UNCLE SAM. 508 00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,104 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO THAT TO AN ASTRONAUT AND HIS MOM? 509 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,039 >> THAT'S NOT UNCLE SAM, IT'S ME! 510 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,308 COULDN'T LAY A GLOVE ON IT IF IT WEREN'T. 511 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,311 I CAN ONLY MOVE THINGS IN THE MATERIAL WORLD THAT BEAR MY 512 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:52,978 IMAGE. 513 00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:53,879 WAIT! 514 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,514 THAT PENNY IN YOUR POCKET, DEAN. 515 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,149 I WAS ABLE TO GET THAT THROUGH THE FORCE FIELD. 516 00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,183 THAT'S IT. 517 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,252 >> WE BUILD A GUN MADE OUT OF PENNIES! 518 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,353 >> EXACTLY! 519 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,020 WAIT, NO! 520 00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:02,755 THAT'S INSANE. 521 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:03,856 BUT I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA. 522 00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:07,159 BOYS, I NEED $5.00 BILLS-- SCORES OF THEM! 523 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:08,560 10 SCORE AT LEAST. 524 00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,162 >> HOW ARE WE GONNA FIND THAT MANY? 525 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:10,896 >> HOW, HOW? 526 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:11,764 WHAT ARE YOU, AN OWL? 527 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,065 HE CAN MAKE THEM WITH HIS MAGIC. 528 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,301 >> FOR THE LAST TIME, HANK, I'M A GHOST, NOT A GENIE. 529 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:19,138 YOU TWO MUST FIND A WAY! 530 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,406 >> WAIT! 531 00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,374 DOES IT MATTER IF IT'S THE NEW FIVES OR THE OLD ONES? 532 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,176 >> I PREFER THE NEW ONES. 533 00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:24,943 BUT WHATEVER! 534 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,012 GO, GO! 535 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,436 >> SCORE. 536 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:54,206 THANK YOU, AMBASSADOR MBATU. 537 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,407 >> WELL... 538 00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:59,044 I PROMISED MY WIFE AND JESUS I WOULDN'T ANYMORE. 539 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,347 BUT THINGS BEING AS THEY ARE, WELL... 540 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,449 >> THANK YOU, NO, SIR. 541 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:04,483 I'M ON DUTY. 542 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,350 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! 543 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:05,984 PERIMETER! 544 00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:07,052 >> DO SOMETHING. 545 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:08,454 >> AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES ABOUT-- 546 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,457 AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES ABOUT PERIMETERS? 547 00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:14,493 'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO THINK I AM, AND I DON'T-- 548 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,727 AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 549 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,463 >> MOTHER'S HAD... 550 00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,164 A BIT TOO MUCH ALREADY. 551 00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:20,065 >> HOW ABOUT YOU? 552 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,633 >> I DON'T DRINK. 553 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,569 >> [SIGHS] I'M SORRY. 554 00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:24,369 >> HMM. 555 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:25,604 FOR WHAT? 556 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:26,939 >> LIEUTENANT BALDAVICH. 557 00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,842 I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 558 00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:30,742 THAT WASN'T COOL. 559 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,544 >> MR. SAMPSON... 560 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:37,950 "GARGANTUA 1" WAS AN ORBITING METAL EDEN UNTIL YOU SULLIED IT 561 00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:41,453 WITH YOUR BRANDO-ESQUE SENSUALITY AND YOUR 562 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,555 NON-REGULATION APPAREL. 563 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:47,292 SORRY DOESN'T QUITE MAKE UP FOR DEFLOWERING MY EVE. 564 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:48,126 >> COME ON. 565 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,496 ENOUGH WITH THE BOY SCOUT ACT. 566 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,765 YOU TWO WERE ALONE ON THAT THING FOR YEARS. 567 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:56,368 NOW, DON'T TELL ME YOU NEVER HIT THAT. 568 00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,169 >> WHAT?! 569 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,037 I NEVER STRUCK HER! 570 00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,341 HOW DARE YOU EVEN IMPLY THAT I DID! 571 00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,943 I LOVED HER! 572 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:10,949 >> [SNORING] >> THIS AIN'T GOOD. 573 00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:13,051 >> OH, F.D.R. 574 00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:15,053 NOW, HE WAS A REAL PRESIDENT. 575 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,055 I LOVED TO WATCH HIM SLEEP. 576 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:19,725 WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON HIS LITTLE POLIO SHOULDERS. 577 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:20,626 THE DEPRESSION. 578 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:21,927 WORLD WAR II. 579 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,529 HE SLEPT LIKE A BABY. 580 00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:26,064 NOW, THAT IS A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. 581 00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,734 THIS BREYER GUY THOUGH, HE'S THE WORST PRESIDENT I'VE 582 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,002 EVER SEEN. 583 00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:31,670 >> THEN WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME WITH THIS? 584 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,905 >> HONESTLY? 585 00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:35,073 I'M KIND OF HOPING TO EARN MY WINGS ON THIS DEAL. 586 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,844 >> SO, WE'RE NOT JUST SAVING THE PRESIDENT... 587 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,679 WE'RE SAVING YOU, TOO. 588 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,481 >> MY LINCOLN SENSE IS TINGLING! 589 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,582 MANSTRONG'S MAKING HIS MOVE! 590 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,150 HURRY, BOYS! 591 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,184 >> SVENGALI! 592 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,219 >> NO, NO! 593 00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,288 LOOK, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 594 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:52,691 >> FIRST ANNA, NOW MY MOTHER! 595 00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:57,329 HAVE YOU NO SHAME, YOU-- YOU MANDINGO! 596 00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:58,897 OK, GET UP! 597 00:19:58,964 --> 00:19:59,965 WE'RE DOING THIS! 598 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,867 YOU AND ME, SAMPSON, RIGHT NOW! 599 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:02,768 LET'S GO! 600 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:03,835 >> COME ON, MAN. 601 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,904 YOU KNOW I'M JUST GONNA BEAT YOU STUPID. 602 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:06,905 I'VE DONE IT BEFORE. 603 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,073 >> WITH A SUCKER PUNCH. 604 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:11,743 THIS TIME, SCHOOL-YARD RULES-- NO CHEAP SHOTS. 605 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,412 >> THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 606 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,881 YOU'RE MOTHER JUST-- >> NO MOTHERS! 607 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:19,184 >> AAGH! 608 00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,485 >> OH, WHAT?! 609 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,555 >> HERE COMES THE RAIL SPLITTER! 610 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,490 >> WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON NOW?! 611 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,258 WHAT? 612 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,726 DID MY BROTHER MAKE THAT? 613 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,062 >> MR. PRESIDENT, THIS MAN'S AN ASSASSIN PROGRAMMED TO KILL YOU! 614 00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,297 THERE'S A MICROCHIP IN HIS BRAIN. 615 00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,131 LOOK! 616 00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:33,832 >> PERIMETER, SIR! 617 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:34,800 PERIMETER! 618 00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:36,168 >> OH, DAMN IT! 619 00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:37,469 NOT AGAIN! 620 00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:38,437 AAGH! 621 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:43,175 >> STOP BOTHERING MY SON! 622 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,409 UH-OH. 623 00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:45,911 DID I GRAZE YOU, NIBBLETS? 624 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,179 >> YOU DID IT, BOYS. 625 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:48,880 YOU SAVE THE PRESIDENT. 626 00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,682 >> GO, TEAM VENTURE! 627 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,651 >> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A DOCTOR. 628 00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,686 IS MY BUDDY GONNA BE OK? 629 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,354 >> WAIT A MINUTE. 630 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,388 I RECOGNIZE THIS. 631 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,390 IT'S A VENTURE INDUSTRIES MICROCHIP. 632 00:20:58,457 --> 00:20:59,791 HANG ON A SEC. 633 00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:03,195 [HUMMING] IT'S THE MOTHER BOARD FROM 634 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,529 "GARGANTUA 1." 635 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,530 >> ANNA! 636 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,165 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 637 00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,568 RESTRAIN YOURSELF! 638 00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:13,538 >> IF WE ARE GOING TO DIE, I WANT TO GO OUT WITH A BANG, AS 639 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:14,506 THEY SAY. 640 00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,942 MMM! 641 00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:20,545 >> [GROANS] >> I KNEW IT! 642 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,347 TOLD YOU THIS CLOWN WAS NO HERO. 643 00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:25,017 HE JUST BLACKED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF A HAND-JOB. 644 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,618 >> [GROANING] >> UH-OH! 645 00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,587 SOMEONE'S PLAYING WITH HIS LINCOLN LOGS. 646 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:30,455 >> OH, MY GOD! 647 00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:34,626 IT'S FULL OF STARS! 648 00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:37,062 >> PENNY FOR HIS THOUGHTS. 649 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,532 [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] 650 00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:43,802 [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE 651 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,872 --www.ncicap.org--] 652 00:22:04,322 --> 00:22:05,390 >> YOU'RE... 653 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,491 STILL HERE. 654 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:07,859 SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE CROSSED OVER? 655 00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,328 >> APPARENTLY, STOPPING MY BODY GUARD FROM BEATING UP A 656 00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:12,798 REPRESSED MASTURBATOR JUST ISN'T ENOUGH TO GET YOU INTO HEAVEN 657 00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:13,465 THESE DAYS. 658 00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:14,366 GO FIGURE. 659 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,835 >> YOU'RE ONE TO JUDGE, RUSTY. 660 00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:20,238 I SEEM TO REMEMBER A CERTAIN FAST-HANDED LITTLE REDHEAD 661 00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:24,276 SLEEPING IN THE LINCOLN BEDROOM A SCORE AND A HALF YEARS BACK. 662 00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:25,243 >> ALL RIGHT. 663 00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:27,379 >> NOT THAT YOU DID MUCH SLEEPING. 664 00:22:27,446 --> 00:22:28,313 >> OK. 665 00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:29,414 >> I... 666 00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:30,749 NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT. 667 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:33,752 >> DON'T KNOW WHY YOU PEOPLE GOTTA COMPLICATE EVERYTHING. 668 00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:36,388 I TOLD Y'ALL, A LITTLE CLUB SODA FIX MOST 669 00:22:36,455 --> 00:22:37,622 EVERYTHING. 670 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:40,092 >> THAT'S GOOD CHOWDER!