1 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:05,880 >> [ WHIRRING ] >> YES, CHILLING! 2 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:09,551 I'M SO SCARED OF YOUR LEFTOVER PROP FROM A STYX VIDEO. 3 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:14,097 OH, PLEASE SPARE MY LIFE, MR. ROBOTO. 4 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,016 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] >> MISS ME, DARLING? 5 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:17,934 >> EH? 6 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:19,018 NO, I JUST SAW YOU, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES AGO. 7 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:22,021 >> Man: YOU HAVE THWARTED MY ROBOT, MY DEAR MONARCH! 8 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:27,235 BUT DR. DUGONG HAS PLENTY MORE TRICKS UP HIS SLEEVE. 9 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,319 >> YOU DON'T HAVE SLEEVES. 10 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:29,779 YOU'RE IN A SEAL COSTUME. 11 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,739 >> DUGONG! 12 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,574 AND IT'S NOT A COSTUME! 13 00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:34,826 >> BOYS, LOCATE DR. MANATEE. 14 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:35,994 >> DUGONG! 15 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:37,704 >> HE'S BEEN ON THE STUPID PA THE WHOLE TIME. 16 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:38,496 THERE'S A SPEAKER RIGHT OVER MY HEAD. 17 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,415 IT'S SO LOUD. 18 00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:42,083 IT'S BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH. 19 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,753 >> ...DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO LEARN THE SECRETS OF LOVE AND CARING, 20 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,089 WAS CHEMICALLY FUSED WITH A GENTLE SEA COW! 21 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,633 >> AND DR. SEA LION WON'T STOP WITH THE THIRD PERSON. 22 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,760 >> DUGONG! 23 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:52,969 A DUGONG! 24 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,387 DOUGLAS ONG. 25 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,474 DR. DUGONG -- >> OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU. 26 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,185 >> OKAY, I KNOW HE'S ANNOYING, BUT YOU HAVE TO GET INTO IT. 27 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,061 YOU GOTTA AT LEAST PRETEND TO TRY. 28 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,313 >> HE'S SUCH A WEENUS. 29 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,398 DID YOU HEAR THAT ORIGIN STORY? 30 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,233 "SECRETS OF LOVE AND CARING"? 31 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,359 "CARING"? 32 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,362 >> YEAH, THAT WAS KINDA GAY, BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TO TRY 33 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,114 TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. 34 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,492 >> WE'VE LOCATED DR. DUGONG, MUM. 35 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,034 >> GOOD WORK. 36 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,160 MOMMY'S LITTLE BABIES. 37 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,621 >> AH, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THEY IGNORE ME, BUT DO YOU 38 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,915 HAVE TO CALL THEM THAT? 39 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:25,376 >> MAN SEEKS A GOOD TIME, BUT HE IS NOT A HEDONIST. 40 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:29,589 HE SEEKS LOVE, HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. 41 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,966 HE LOOKS UNDER THE BEDS OF WHORES AND IN THE HOT STEM 42 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:36,471 OF A CRACK PIPE, BUT HE SHOULD LOOK TO NATURE. 43 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:41,184 GENTLE AQUATIC MAMMALS HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. 44 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,229 >> YOUR DOOR WAS LOCKED, SO WE LET OURSELVES IN. 45 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,146 >> YEAH, WE GOT OUR OWN KEY. 46 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,650 >> WELL, IF IT ISN'T DR. MRS. THE MONARCH, 47 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,152 THE PUPA TWINS, AND... 48 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,403 A-AND... 49 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,112 >> COME ON, MONARCH. 50 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,322 WHAT'S THE HOLDUP? 51 00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,698 >> OKAY, OKAY. 52 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:56,324 OH, MAN! 53 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,826 YOU'RE ALL FLESH COLORED. 54 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,995 HOW MUCH THALIDOMIDE DID YOUR MOM TAKE? 55 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,706 >> YOU MAY HAVE FOUND MY INNER SANCTUM, BUT YOU ARE NOT -- 56 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:04,541 >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 57 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,501 CAN YOU HOLD THAT SPEECH FOR A SECOND? 58 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:06,876 DON'T FORGET IT. 59 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:07,502 >> I WON'T. 60 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,420 >> ONE SECOND! 61 00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,464 WILL YOU JUST TRY TO DO THIS RIGHT? 62 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,382 >> THIS GUY'S A CHUMP. 63 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,300 YOU GET ME IN FRONT OF DR. VENTURE, AND I'LL 64 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,301 SHOW YOU HOW I DANCE. 65 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,302 >> WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER. 66 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,846 NOW, PLEASE, DO IT FOR ME. 67 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,099 >> [ SIGHS ] OKAY, FINE. 68 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:21,975 >> GO AHEAD. 69 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,017 >> OH, OH. 70 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,562 YOU MAY HAVE FOUND MY INNER SANCTUM -- 71 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,855 >> SHUT UP! NOW GIVE US THE KEY, OR THE PLANS, 72 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,982 OR WHATEVER-THE-HELL YOU HAVE! 73 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:32,402 >> I HAVE A TANK FULL OF GENTLE CUTTLEFISH. 74 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,529 >> GIVE US THE CUTTLEFISH! 75 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:35,947 CUTTLE -- I CAN'T DO THIS! 76 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:39,284 >> OH, YOU WERE SO CLOSE, SWEETIE. 77 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:43,246 JUST PRETEND HE'S DR. VENTURE. 78 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,708 >> GIVE ME THAT GUN. 79 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,043 YOU ABANDONED ME! 80 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,379 YOU ABANDONED MY HATRED! 81 00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,922 >> I HAVE CUTTLEFISH. 82 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,633 >> LOOK INTO MY EYES! 83 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:08,229 ♪ >> ♪ HIS PERNICIOUS STEED 84 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,648 CIRCLES THE GRAVES OF THE DAMNED SOULS ♪ 85 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,819 ♪ BLOOD MORPHS INTO FIRE ♪ DEMON SWORD IN FLAMES 86 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,656 ♪ HELL LAVA LICKS THE WOUNDS OF MY INSANITY ♪ 87 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:22,452 ♪ MY INSANITY ♪ 88 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,371 >> SO? 89 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,082 >> HMM, ROCK BAND MUSIC? 90 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,375 OKAY, I'LL DO THE FEATURE. 91 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,585 WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE? 92 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:31,753 >> YOU'RE INCREDIBLY LAME. 93 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:32,837 >> HERE'S THE ANGLE. 94 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,255 THE NEXT BIG THING SINCE EDDY AND THE CRUISERS. 95 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,884 MY BOY BAND GOOD LOOKS, DERMOTT'S BIZARRE ANGER, 96 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,844 AND A ROBOT ON DRUMS. 97 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,220 >> I LIKE IT. 98 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:41,930 IT HAS A SCIENCE ANGLE. 99 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,307 SO, WHAT DOES THE BAND GO BY? 100 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,100 >> I LIKE "LIP GLOSSARY." 101 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,895 >> AND I'M LEANING TOWARDS "GOAT BLOOD SACRIFICE." 102 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,480 >> WELL, THERE'S YOUR STORY. 103 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,106 WE'LL HAVE A READERS' CONTEST. 104 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,233 >> DEAN, WE'RE YOUR ONLY READERS. 105 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,694 >> MY SUBSCRIBERS NUMBER WELL INTO THE TEENS! 106 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,656 RIGHT HERE IN "AFFECTION DIRECTIONS," 107 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,367 A TROUBLED READER QUERIES -- "I'M ON LOVE WITH 108 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,868 MY BOSS' WIFE. 109 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,746 BUT BECAUSE MY BOSS IS A KNOWN KILLER, 110 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,623 AND PRIVATE TORTURER, I'M AFRAID TO SAY SOMETHING." 111 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:11,459 SIGNED, G. VICEROY. 112 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,962 SO I REPLY -- >> Monarch: "IT'S A SLIPPERY 113 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,089 SLOPE YOU SKI, MR. VICEROY. 114 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,967 BUT YOURS TRULY DEANY VEE THINKS IT'S BEST TO MARCH UP 115 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,136 TO HER AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. 116 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:25,223 IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT SHE'S KINDA SCARY AND THAT HER DAD 117 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,224 IS MAGIC. 118 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,519 IT'S BEST TO MAKE YOUR NOBLE INTENTIONS KNOWN." 119 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,062 COMPLETE WEENUS. 120 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,313 >> I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY GOOD ADVICE. 121 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:36,275 I MEAN, A MAN CAN'T LIVE A LIE AND STILL BE A MAN! 122 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,736 THIS VICEROY GUY IS PROBABLY DYING INSIDE. 123 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,155 >> DUDE, THIS VICEROY GUY IS PROBABLY FICTITIOUS. 124 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,156 OR ONE OF YOU GUYS. 125 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,157 >> WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 126 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:43,992 I MEAN, IT'S ABSURD. 127 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,369 THERE'S NO PROOF THAT IT'S ONE OF US. 128 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,454 >> WELL, IT'S DEAN VENTURE'S FAKE LITTLE NEWSPAPER. 129 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,497 HOW MANY PEOPLE READ IT? 130 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,039 >> WELL, YEAH. 131 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:50,999 THAT'S WHAT I MEANT. 132 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:52,500 BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE. 133 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,293 THAT'S JOKING. 134 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,919 THAT'S TOTALLY JOKING TALK. 135 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:55,920 >> DROP IT. 136 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,588 >> HEY, THE BUFFOON ANSWERED MY QUESTION. 137 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:58,673 UNBELIEVABLE! 138 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,091 OKAY, OKAY, CHECK THIS OUT. 139 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:04,178 I WROTE -- "DEAR DEANY VEE, I'M REMODELING MY BACHELOR PAD. 140 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,931 AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT DEANY VEE LIVES IN THE COOLEST 141 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,099 HOME EVER. 142 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:11,102 COULD YOU PLEASE PRINT OUT A LAYOUT OF THE VENTURE COMPOUND 143 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:14,522 COMPLETE WITH SECURITY SCHEMATICS AND ACCESS CODES?" 144 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,357 >> "YOU ARE IN LUCK, BARE WALLS IN BALTIMORE. 145 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:20,403 BECAUSE I PLAN A WHOLE FEATURE ON THE VENTURE COMPOUND, 146 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,865 AND A TWO PAGE SPREAD ON RUSTY VENTURE'S AMAZING 147 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:26,701 VACUUM-BOOMBROOM, FRESH FROM IT'S TRIUMPHANT SHOWING 148 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:27,910 AT THE SCIENCE NOW CONFERENCE. 149 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:32,999 THAT, PLUS WORD JUMBLES, COMICS, AND COUPONS, ALL IN THE NEXT 150 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,960 VENTURE HOME NEWS!" >> SHOWING THE VACUUM-BOOMBROOM. 151 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,211 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 152 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,714 >> THAT VENTURE'S INVENTED AN EXPLODING VACUUM? 153 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,383 >> AND THAT HE GAVE IT THE STUPIDEST NAME EVER? 154 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,426 >> CLOSE! 155 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,385 IT MEANS THAT VENTURE IS, AS WE SPEAK, SHOWING HIS 156 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,972 LAME-ASS INVENTION AT THE SCIENCE NOW CONFERENCE. 157 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,557 AHH! THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR I WON'T BE THERE TO PISS 158 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,558 ON HIS PARADE! 159 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,893 >> DUDE! 160 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:55,104 OH, I MEAN, MIGHTY MONARCH! 161 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,230 WE SHOULD DO IT. 162 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,607 COME IN, IT WOULD BE SO SWEET. 163 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,275 >> CAN'T. 164 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,777 GUILD WON'T LET ME ARCH VENTURE. 165 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,695 WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HANGING OUT WITH YOU GUYS? 166 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:03,196 >> BECAUSE WE'RE SUPER-COOL! 167 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,072 >> YEAH, THAT'S IT. 168 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,158 >> AS COOL AS WE ARE, UNDENIABLE. 169 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,827 IF I HAD A LADY LIKE YOUR WIFE, I WOULD BE WITH HER RIGHT NOW. 170 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,372 AND I'D BE BRUSHING HER HAIR, AND THEN WE'D EXPLORE 171 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,415 OUR FEELINGS. 172 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,875 >> IF YOU HAD A LADY LIKE MY WIFE, YOU WOULD BE IN 173 00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:19,587 AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE -- WHERE DOGS TALK AND BIRDS 174 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,422 HAVE HUMAN PETS. 175 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,298 WOOO! 176 00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:23,925 OH, CRAP, YOU JUST REMINDED ME. 177 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,385 I HAVE TO GO TO MY WIFE'S LITTLE POST GAME POW WOW. 178 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,720 >> YOU WENT ARCHING? 179 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:28,930 WITHOUT US? 180 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,431 >> OH! OHH! 181 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,766 WE DON'T GET TO DO ANYTHING. 182 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:34,811 I'M, LIKE, THIS CLOSE TO ARCHING THE PAPER BOY. 183 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:35,770 >> SWEETIE, YOU JUST KILLED YOUR ARCH ENEMY. 184 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:38,439 YOU KILLED HIM. HE'S DEAD. 185 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,607 >> WELL, I'M THAT GOOD. 186 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:40,650 WHAT CAN I SAY? 187 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,777 >> YOU'RE NOT AN ASSASSIN, YOU'RE A VILLAIN. 188 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,613 THE GUILD IS VERY TOUCHY WITH COLD-BLOODED MURDER 189 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:47,115 ON DAY ONE! 190 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,991 WITH A [BLEEP] CRIPPLE THAT THINKS HE'S HALF A SEA COW. 191 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,119 >> THAT GUY WAS LAME! 192 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,872 I CAN'T GO FROM DR. VENTURE TO THAT GUY. 193 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,792 IF THESE ARE THE KIND OF PROTAGONISTS I KEEP GETTING, 194 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:58,709 I'M GONNA QUIT. 195 00:06:58,793 --> 00:06:59,794 >> YEAH, QUIT. MATURE. 196 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,588 YOU KILL EVERY ARCH ENEMY YOU GET ASSIGNED, AND I KEEP 197 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,298 APOLOGIZING TO THE GUILD. 198 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,800 JUST QUIT. THAT'S FAIR. 199 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,135 >> NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY. 200 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:10,221 >> YES! I'M TRYING TO MAKE YOU A BAD GUY! 201 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:10,972 WE'RE BOTH BAD GUYS! 202 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:11,848 WE'RE PROFESSIONAL BAD GUYS. 203 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,474 DING! HELLO?! 204 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,311 >> YES, PLEASE, BELITTLE ME IN FRONT OF MY HENCHMEN. 205 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,855 IT'S A REAL MORALE BOOSTER. 206 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,858 >> WELL, WHY ARE WE ARGUING IN FRONT OF THE HENCHMEN ANYWAY? 207 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,484 >> BECAUSE THE HENCHMEN ARE STANDING HERE. 208 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,486 >> ARE YOU TWO GONNA GET A DIVORCE? 209 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,488 >> THAT'S A VERY PRETTY COSTUME, MRS. MONARCH. 210 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,032 >> I HAVE A COCOON PARKED IN A TREE THAT IS FULL OF GUYS 211 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,784 THAT DO NOTHING BUT PLAY A VIDEO GAME THAT USES A LITTLE 212 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,495 PLASTIC BABY GUITAR! 213 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,706 THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO SINCE THOSE MEAN LITTLE FREAKS 214 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:37,874 MOVED IN. 215 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:41,169 >> I DON'T WANNA SOUND PREJUDICE OR ANYTHING, BUT THEY ARE 216 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,336 SUPER CREEPY. 217 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,298 >> AS LONG AS THIS IS ALL OUT IN THE OPEN, I HAVE EVIDENCE 218 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,008 THAT THEY PEE IN THE CORNERS OF MY ROOM. 219 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,260 THEY'RE MARKING MY ROOM. 220 00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,721 >> YOU WANNA LOSE SOME OF THAT BELLY FAT RIGHT FAST? 221 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,848 >> PUT YOU ON A COLD STEEL DIET. 222 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,016 >> BE THE LAST DIET YOU EVER GO ON. 223 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,393 >> BOYS, DON'T CUT ANYBODY. 224 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:58,686 >> NO, GO AHEAD AND KILL HIM. 225 00:07:58,769 --> 00:07:59,812 >> METAPHORICALLY! 226 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,689 >> DO IT. THE HENCHMEN AREN'T BEING USED FOR ANYTHING! 227 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,066 I MEAN, YOU AND YOUR KNIFE WIELDING, MINIATURE PSYCHOS 228 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,861 SEEM TO DO JUST FINE WITHOUT US! 229 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,197 COME ON, MINIONS. 230 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,365 WE ARE NOT NEEDED HERE! 231 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:19,457 ♪ >> [ HANK GRUNTING ] 232 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:20,374 TIME! 233 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,709 >> 3.23 SECONDS. 234 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,295 NOT BAD CONSIDERING YOUR LACK OF TRAINING. 235 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:25,296 ALL RIGHT, IT'S MY TURN. 236 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:25,963 >> HERE'S THE SECRET. 237 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,465 YOU HAVE TO LEAD H.E.L.P.E.R. 238 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:28,633 >> DUH. 239 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:29,717 AW, COME ON! 240 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,969 YOUR CEILING'S TOO LOW FOR ME TO DO MY SWEET GYMKATA 241 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,095 HAND-SPRING WHEEL-KICK. 242 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:37,225 >> OKAY, READY, SET... 243 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:41,604 GO! 244 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,730 >> OUR DRUMMER WASN'T READY! 245 00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:45,233 I CAME AT HIM WITH MY CHI TOTALLY FOCUSED RIGHT HERE 246 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,025 IN MY UPPER CHEST. 247 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,236 PLUS, IF I HAD ON MY TABBI BOOTS, I -- 248 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,153 >> SHHH! 249 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:49,946 [ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ] >> WHAT? 250 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,491 >> SOMEBODY'S COMING! 251 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,533 OH, FORGET IT. 252 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:55,910 JUST LET HIM IN. 253 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,245 >> WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE? 254 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,079 >> HEY, LOSER. 255 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,748 CHANGED OUT OF YOUR 1910 BANKER'S COSTUME 256 00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:01,916 INTO YOUR UMPA LUMPA COSTUME FOR US? 257 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:03,292 >> IT'S A SPEED SUIT. 258 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,170 I WEAR IT WHEN I'M DOING SCIENCE. 259 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,548 >> DEAN, PUTTING PLASTIC DINOSAURS IN WATER TILL THEY GET 260 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,883 HUGE AND ALL BLOATED ISN'T "DOING SCIENCE." 261 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,051 >> THAT HURT, HANK. 262 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,805 I EXPECT THAT KIND OF SASS FROM DERMOTT, BUT NOT FROM YOU. 263 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,348 CAN YOU PLEASE STOP H.E.L.P.E.R. 264 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:18,349 FROM DRUMMING?! 265 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,558 >> NO, I'M NOT EVEN SURE HOW WE GOT HIM TO START. 266 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,687 >> WE CAN'T EVEN GET HIM TO PLAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 267 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:23,896 >> OKAY, IT'S 10:30. 268 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,232 I'M GONNA CLEAN UP THE MESS IN THE KITCHEN, YOU'RE WELCOME. 269 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,316 AND THEN IT'S BEDTIME FOR ALL OF US. 270 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,068 >> WHAT, ARE YOU GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE? 271 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,945 HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE. 272 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:31,904 >> YEAH, DEANO. 273 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,114 LIGHTEN UP. 274 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:34,907 >> YOU ARE MISSING THE BIG PICTURE, HANK. 275 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,785 IF DAD SEES THAT WE CAN HANDLE OURSELVES WITHOUT HIM, WE GET 276 00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:38,995 MORE PRIVILEGES. 277 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:42,748 SCOOTER RIDES OFF THE COMPOUND, SLEEP AWAY ASTRONAUT CAMP, 278 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,500 PUBLIC SCHOOL. 279 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,919 HANK, PUBLIC SCHOOL! 280 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,463 >> [ GASPS ] WE ARE BEING TESTED! 281 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,548 >> YOU GUYS ARE SAD. 282 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,300 WHY DID HE DECIDE TO LEAVE YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? 283 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,968 >> SOMETHING ABOUT THE CONFERENCE HAVING 284 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,803 "HOT DESPERATE WOMEN." 285 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:56,929 >> AND WE HAD A BAD RUN-IN WITH THE HOT LAVA MEN 286 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:57,972 OF TANGA ISLAND. 287 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:01,225 SO I CAN IMAGINE HOW DANGEROUS THEIR WOMEN GET WHEN 288 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:01,851 THEY'RE DESPERATE. 289 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,352 >> I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! 290 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,104 I-I GOTTA BLOW OFF SOME STEAM OR SOMETHING. 291 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,481 >> TWO WORDS -- TITTY BAR. 292 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,608 I'M JUST GONNA THROW THAT OUT THERE. 293 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,484 >> TOTALLY! 294 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,028 AND TWO MORE WORDS -- POTATO SKINS. 295 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,988 >> I GOT A BETTER IDEA. 296 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,115 WE RETURN TO SUCKLE THE TEAT OF HATE 297 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,826 THAT ONCE NOURISHED US LIKE SO MUCH BUTTERFLY THEMED 298 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,161 ROMULUS AND REMUS. 299 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:22,580 >> SO, YES, TO THE STRIP CLUB? 300 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:23,622 >> NO! 301 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,460 WE ARE GOING TO [BLEEP] UP AN EMPTY VENTURE COMPOUND! 302 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,253 >> YOUR WIFE ISN'T GONNA LIKE THAT. 303 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,129 >> WHATEVER! 304 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,672 WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? 305 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,966 LAST THING I REMEMBER, I WAS PLANTING DYNAMITE UNDER 306 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,301 VENTURE'S BABY BLUE JEEP! 307 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,844 >> THAT WAS THE BEST! 308 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:37,845 >> AND WE HAD THAT PLUNGER THING YOU PUSH DOWN. 309 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:40,139 SO CLASSIC. 310 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,808 AH, WE NEED TO GET AN ANVIL AND DROP THAT ON HIM. 311 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,019 >> SWEET! OR A ROUND BOMB! 312 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,396 >> OH, THE BLACK ONES WITH THE FUSE? 313 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,189 LOVE THOSE... 314 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,983 BUT LOOK AT MY LIFE NOW. 315 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,361 HATRED'S BECOME A JOB. 316 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,154 I HAD TRUE HATRED WITH VENTURE. 317 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,280 I DIDN'T HAVE TO FAKE IT. 318 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:59,450 THAT SWEET LOATHING JUST POURED OUT OF ME WHENEVER I SAW 319 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,409 HIS PATHETIC FACE. 320 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,621 I JUST -- I JUST WANTED TO KICK HIS ASS. 321 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,582 I WANTED TO BUILD A MACHINE TO KICK HIS ASS. 322 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:11,253 I WANTED TO BUILD AN EMPIRE TO HOUSE THE MACHINE 323 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,506 TO KICK HIS ASS! 324 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,759 >> THEN, BY GOD, LET'S GO TAKE A DUMP IN HIS POOL! 325 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,224 >> WHAT'S WITH THE SIDECAR? 326 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:24,975 >> IT'S YOUR QUEEN'S THRONE. 327 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,228 YEAH, JUST ONE OF THE MANY SUPER-FEATURES WE WORKED 328 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,396 INTO THE NEW COCOON. 329 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,231 >> WHY DON'T YOU JUST PAINT THE PLACE PINK, WHILE YOU'RE 330 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,774 AT IT. 331 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:36,570 >> COOL. I REBUILT THAT THRONE AND NEVER KNEW IT DID THAT. 332 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,490 >> TO THE MONARCH MOBILE! 333 00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,826 >> THIS RULES! 334 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,912 >> I'M GONNA TAKE THE STAIRS. 335 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:48,082 >> OKAY, MONARCH, I'M GAINING SERIOUS [BLEEP] MOMENTUM 336 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,125 OVER HERE! 337 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,377 >> WELL, USE YOUR FEET TO SLOW YOURSELF DOWN. 338 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,586 >> I'M WEARING BOOTIES! 339 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,046 I CAN FEEL EVERY SEAM ON THIS THING! 340 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,174 IT KILLS! 341 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,175 >> OW! THE CROWN! 342 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,511 >> CAN YOU PULL OVER PLEASE? 343 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,304 I CAN'T STOP! 344 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:02,763 >> AAAH! 345 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,515 OW! 346 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,683 OH, RIGHT ON MY COCCYX. 347 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,893 >> OW, RIGHT ON YOUR COCCYX. 348 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,603 >> WHO PUT THE TOP UP? 349 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,230 >> YOU'LL THANK ME LATER. 350 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:11,772 IT'S GONNA RAIN. 351 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:17,778 >> Henchmen: WHOA! 352 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,448 >> 21: WHAT IS THIS, CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG? 353 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:21,615 WHO ELSE KNEW IT COULD DO THIS? 354 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,288 ♪ [ COMPUTERIZED DRUMMING ♪ ♪ CONTINUES, MUFFLED ] 355 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,247 >> AAAH! 356 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,000 THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! 357 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:38,674 ♪ >> H.E.L.P.E.R., ACTIVATE! 358 00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:41,469 >> [ BEEPING ] >> H.E.L.P.E.R., DISABLE 359 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,471 VOCAL FUNCTIONS. 360 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:48,976 H.E.L.P.E.R., DISABLE ALARM FUNCTIONS! 361 00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,853 OH, COME ON! 362 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,481 H.E.L.P.E.R., DISABLE ALL ACCESSIBLE AUDIO FUNCTIONS. 363 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:58,986 ACCESS PASSWORD, RUSTY IS A COWBOY. 364 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,990 [ MUSIC STOPS ] >> Dermott: HEY, WHAT GIVES? 365 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,116 >> Hank: I DIDN'T DO IT. 366 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,826 MAN, I HOPE THE TAPE DIDN'T SNAP. 367 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,368 BROCK WOULD KILL ME. 368 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,411 IT'S HIS ONLY TAPE. 369 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,329 >> IT'S BROCK'S? 370 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,247 HEY, YOU THINK I COULD BORROW IT. 371 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,500 YOU KNOW, JUST FOR A FEW DAYS. 372 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,002 >> WHAT'S THAT? 373 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,086 >> I FREAKING KNEW IT. 374 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,796 >> WHY DIDN'T THE ALARMS GO OFF?? 375 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,631 >> 'CAUSE THAT'S A UFO. 376 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,549 THEY SCREW WITH ELECTRICAL FIELDS, DUH. 377 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,300 >> ARE YOU SURE? 378 00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,468 >> I'M TOTALLY POSITIVE. 379 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,303 THEY JUST LANDED BEHIND YOUR FREAKING HOUSE. 380 00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:27,181 SO THAT RULES OUT A WEATHER BALLOON OR THE MOON. 381 00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:28,599 >> I HAVE TO CALL MY DAD AND BROCK AND TELL THEM 382 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,725 THE ALIENS ARE BACK. 383 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:30,768 >> BACK? 384 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,894 WHAT, DOES THIS HAPPEN A LOT? 385 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,438 >> ABOUT AS MUCH AS GHOST HAUNTINGS, OR TIME MACHINE GUYS 386 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,482 FROM THE PAST SHOWING UP TO YELL AT MY DAD. 387 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,399 WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 388 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,526 >> I'M GONNA PUT THIS LIGHTER UP MY CORN HOLE. 389 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,529 SO WHEN THE ALIENS TRY TO PROBE ME, AND THEY TOTALLY WILL, 390 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,948 THEY'LL GET A FACE FULL OF FREAKIN' FIRE! 391 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,407 NOBODY GOES IN THROUGH MY OUT DOOR. 392 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,117 >> COME ON, SOMEBODY. 393 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,870 ANSWER YOUR WATCH. 394 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:02,925 >> BEGGIN' YOUR PARDON, MUM. 395 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:03,425 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 396 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,426 >> MONARCH IS GONE. 397 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,929 >> SO IS THE MONARCH MOBILE. 398 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,681 >> HE'S WITH HIS TWO CRONIES. 399 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:09,557 >> IT FIGURES. 400 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,474 >> YOU WANT WE SHOULD GO FIND HIM? 401 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,058 >> NO, NO, NO. 402 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,226 I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE HE IS. 403 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:15,354 WHAT I WANT IS FOR YOU TO GET OUTTA HERE SO I CAN CHANGE. 404 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,565 >> WE COULD JUST CLOSE OUR EYES. 405 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,483 >> AND PROMISE NOT TO PEEK? 406 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,442 >> AT YOUR BODY. 407 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,278 >> AT YOUR NAKED BODY. 408 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,737 >> GET OUT! 409 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,574 >> 21: [ INHALES DEEPLY ] THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. 410 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,367 >> Monarch: AHH, JUST SMELL THAT AIR. 411 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,244 >> OH, JEEZ, THAT IS FOUL! 412 00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:32,454 >> DON'T LOOK AT ME! 413 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,999 THERE'S A SEPTIC TANK SOMEWHERE AROUND HERE. 414 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,292 >> [sniffs] THAT'S THE SMELL 415 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,669 OF PURE HATE. 416 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,255 I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SMELLED THAT. 417 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:42,464 I WAS SO YOUNG BACK THEN. 418 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:46,427 IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS JUST YEST-- IS ANYBODY ELSE REALLY HOT? 419 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:49,179 I AM BAKING HERE. 420 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,431 WHY ARE YOU [BLEEP] HITTING YOUR LEADER? 421 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,725 >> YOUR WINGS ARE ON FIRE! 422 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,102 >> THERE'RE LASERS ALL OVER THE PLACE! 423 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,146 >> WHAT'S -- >> IT'S THE SEPTIC TANK! 424 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:57,646 IT'S GONNA BLOW! 425 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:58,647 >> [BLEEP] IT! RUN! 426 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,735 >> [ ALL SCREAMING ] [ EXPLOSION ] 427 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:06,280 >> AAAH! 428 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,823 WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? 429 00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:09,617 >> FINALLY, SOMEBODY ANSWERS. 430 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,369 DUDE, A UFO LANDED IN COMPOUND EAST. 431 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,162 WE'RE INVESTIGATING! 432 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,122 WERE YOU DUMPED INTO THE PANIC ROOM? 433 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,708 >> NO, BUT MY STUFFED GIRAFFE AND YOUR BED SHEETS WERE. 434 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,627 >> WELL, THE SECURITY SYSTEM MUST BE WORKING. 435 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,794 BUT THE ALARM IS BUSTED BECAUSE OF THE ALIENS. 436 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,089 >> HANK, I'M SURE THERE'S A SCIENTIFIC AND RATIONAL 437 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,215 EXPLANATION. 438 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,300 DID YOU CALL POP? 439 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:26,842 >> YEAH, NO ANSWER. 440 00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:29,053 >> OKAY, DON'T PANIC. 441 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:29,720 >> I WON'T. 442 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:30,638 >> OKAY... 443 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:31,347 WELL I THINK I'M GONNA. 444 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,641 >> DEAN, DON'T HIDE IN THE CLOSET. 445 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,352 >> I JUST NEED A FEW MOMENTS IN HERE. 446 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,519 >> OKAY, THEN TAKE THE UZI. 447 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,938 I'M GONNA USE THIS KALASHNIKOV. 448 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:40,773 >> WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? 449 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:41,774 I WANT AN AK, TOO. 450 00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,692 >> BOYS, PUT THE WEAPONS BACK. 451 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,319 I WANT YOU BOTH TO STAY HERE. 452 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,112 >> WE NEED TO PROTECT YOU, MUM. 453 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:47,738 >> FROM THE MONARCH. 454 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,156 HE'S GONE ALL CRAZY. 455 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:49,490 HE'S PROBABLY DANGEROUS. 456 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,158 >> OR WORSE. 457 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,159 >> YEAH, OR WORSE. 458 00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:53,911 >> TIM-TOM, KEVIN... 459 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,663 THE MONARCH WOULD NEVER HURT ME. 460 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,373 YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM. 461 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,833 HE HAS A DEEP HATE FOR DR. VENTURE. 462 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:00,709 >> WHY? 463 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,420 >> BECAUSE THE MONARCH HAS PASSION. 464 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,757 HE HAS MORE HATE IN HIS YELLOW GLOVE THAN MOST VILLAINS HAVE 465 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,509 IN THEIR WHOLE COSTUME. 466 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:09,510 >> WELL, WHY DOES HE HATE DR. VENTURE? 467 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:10,886 >> BECAUSE HE CAN'T FAKE IT. 468 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:14,264 HE WOULD RATHER JEOPARDIZE HIS WHOLE CAREER THAN ARCH 469 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:14,640 SOMEBODY ELSE. 470 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,849 THAT'S WHY. 471 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,393 BECAUSE HE'S THE REAL THING! 472 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,477 >> NO, MUM. 473 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,021 WHAT DID DR. VENTURE DO TO THE MONARCH TO MAKE THEM 474 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,022 ENEMIES? 475 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,693 >> NOTHING WORTH DESTROYING A CAREER...A MARRIAGE. 476 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,069 I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO. 477 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,320 YOU BOYS STAY HERE! 478 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,698 >> WHY CAN'T WE GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER? 479 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,534 >> I JUST SAW MUM'S CLEAN PANTIES. 480 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:34,535 >> WHEN SHE WAS CROUCHING? 481 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,495 I TRIED NOT TO LOOK. 482 00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,622 WERE THEY -- >> THEY WERE WHITE PANTIES, 483 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,206 KEVIN. 484 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,166 >> WHITE... 485 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,793 >> OOOH, WHITE. 486 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,047 >> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DIDN'T GET BLOWN UP. 487 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,550 DUDE, WE'RE LIKE THOSE GUYS ON TV THAT NEVER GET SHOT. 488 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,051 HEY, WE'RE LIKE MAIN CHARACTERS. 489 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,344 >> DON'T JINX IT. 490 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,387 YOU SEE ANYTHING? 491 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,889 >> NO, I CAN'T SEE SQUAT WITH THESE TINTED GOGGLES ON. 492 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:56,432 >> DOUCHE, USE THE NIGHT VISION. 493 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:59,143 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 494 00:16:59,226 --> 00:16:59,560 >> I CAN SEE EVERYTHING. 495 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,353 THIS IS SO COOL. 496 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:01,729 WHEN DID WE GET THESE? 497 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:02,730 >> LIKE, 1994. 498 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,816 >> WHY DON'T I KNOW THIS STUFF? 499 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:06,567 MAN, THIS IS SO RAD. 500 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:09,403 IT'S LIKE BLAIR WITCH-O-VISION. 501 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:10,446 THOSE KIDS EYES LOOK ALL GLOWING. 502 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,989 >> WHAT KIDS? 503 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:12,531 >> THOSE TWO RIGHT OVER THERE. 504 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,282 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 505 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,075 GET THEM! 506 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,287 >> SUPER! RUN AWAY! 507 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:21,957 [ HACKING ] 508 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,840 >> TAKE A LOOK AT THAT, RUSTY. 509 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,010 AH! 510 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:36,430 YOU REBUILDING GUARD-O, YOU PATHETIC LOSER. 511 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,057 WANNA SEE IF YOU CAN GET IT TO SUCK AGAIN? HUH? 512 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:39,266 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 513 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,770 HUH? 514 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,230 WELL, HELLO. 515 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:49,318 >> [ COUGHING, SPITTING ] >> DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 516 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,570 >> I'M GIVING YOU MY EARTH GERMS. 517 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,072 I'M GONNA KILL YOU WITH MY COLD! 518 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,076 DIE, ALIEN! [coughs] >> I'M NOT AN ALIEN, DILL-WEED. 519 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:57,993 I'M A HENCHMAN. 520 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,203 YOU'RE NOT A VENTURE BROTHER. 521 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,204 WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? 522 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,205 >> I'M HANK'S FRIEND. 523 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,122 >> YEAH, I DOUBT THAT. 524 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,249 >> WOULD YOU BELIEVE I'M BROCK SAMSON'S 525 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,083 LONG LOST SON? 526 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:06,460 >> IF THAT WERE TRUE, I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE CAUGHT YOU 527 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:07,503 SO EASILY. 528 00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,004 >> I COULDN'T RUN BECAUSE I GOT A LIGHTER UP MY ASS. 529 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:12,925 >> OKAY, NOW I BELIEVE YOU'RE HANK'S FRIEND. 530 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,973 >> [ SIGHS ] HERE WE GO. 531 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,687 ALL HANDS, THIS IS YOUR QUEEN BUTTERFLY! 532 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606 MAN YOUR STATIONS! 533 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,316 ENGINE ROOM, PREPARE FOR FLIGHT! 534 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,985 NAVIGATORS TO THEIR CONTROLS, DOUBLE TIME! 535 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:37,491 >> [ DISTANT CHEERING ] >> [ HANK WHIMPERING ] 536 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:38,534 >> HANK! 537 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,618 HANK, I'M GONNA THROW UP! 538 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:43,121 CAN WE STOP FOR A SECOND?! 539 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,039 >> TRUCE? 540 00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:47,292 >> TRUCE, YES. I'M DYING! 541 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,502 RIGHT. 542 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,504 WHAT ARE THE WARNING SIGNS OF A HEART ATTACK? 543 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:51,713 >> GET OUT OF MY YARD. 544 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,924 YOU GUYS AREN'T ALLOWED WITHIN 500 FEET OF US! 545 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,717 >> WELL, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! 546 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,844 >> WELL, WE ARE. 547 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,804 YOU GUYS JUST BLEW UP MY BACKYARD. 548 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,597 AW, I'M GONNA GET BLAMED FOR THAT. 549 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:01,598 I'M GONNA TELL MY DAD! 550 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,683 >> OKAY, WAIT, WAIT! 551 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,518 DON'T CALL YOUR DAD. 552 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:05,853 JUST LISTEN FIRST, OKAY? 553 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:06,645 >> OKAY, BUT IT BETTER BE THAT YOU ARE GONNA FIX THE LAWN. 554 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,605 >> ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. 555 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,524 I'M ABOUT TO LAY SOME HEAVY ON YOU. 556 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,527 HANK, YOU CAN'T DIE. 557 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,237 YOU'RE, LIKE, MAGIC OR SOMETHING. 558 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,697 >> WAIT. ARE YOU FUNNIN' ME? 559 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,533 >> I HAVE PERSONALLY SEEN YOU DIE TWICE. SERIOUSLY. 560 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,076 LIKE SHOTGUN TO THE FACE. 561 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:21,577 YOU CAN'T BE KILLED. 562 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,453 I [BLEEP] YOU NOT. 563 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,373 YOU ARE AN IMMORTAL. 564 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:27,916 >> LIKE HIGHLANDER? 565 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,335 >> YES, LIKE THE HIGHLANDER. 566 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,086 >> WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? 567 00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:33,839 >> BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 568 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,674 >> COOL! IS THAT FOR ME? 569 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:39,678 >> KINDA. 570 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,221 I HATE KILLING YOU, DUDE. 571 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,056 BUT IT'S ALL I COULD COME UP WITH. 572 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,023 >> IT'S OKAY, MR. REACHY. 573 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,401 BROCK WILL BE HERE SOON AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. 574 00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:55,444 >> [ GRUNTING ] >> HELLO? 575 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:56,737 HANK? 576 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,281 HANK, IS THAT YOU? 577 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,949 DID YOU FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED? 578 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:01,533 HANK? 579 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,910 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER? 580 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,162 >> UMM, GIVING YOUR ROBOT CHLAMYDIA? 581 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,205 >> WHEN MY DAD FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS, YOU'RE GONNA BE 582 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,582 IN BIG TROUBLE! 583 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:09,416 BIG TROUBLE! 584 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,585 >> YES, GOOD! 585 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:12,419 TELL YOUR FATHER! 586 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,756 THAT IS THE FINAL STEP IN YOUR TRAINING. 587 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:16,757 >> WHAT? 588 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,842 >> NARC ON ME AND YOUR TRAINING WILL BE COMPLETE! 589 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,595 YOU WILL HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY EVIL! 590 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,013 JOIN ME, DEAN! 591 00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,599 TELL YOUR DAD ON ME! 592 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:28,018 >> NO! I WON'T BE LIKE YOU! 593 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,604 NEVER EVER! NEVER EVER! 594 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:31,480 >> YES, DEAN. 595 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,274 COMPLETE YOUR FINAL TEST AND TATTLE ON ME. 596 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,819 THEN, AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE A SUPER VILLAIN. 597 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,821 >> YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! 598 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,741 I'LL NEVER TELL MY DAD! 599 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,911 I WILL NEVER BE EVIL LIKE YOU! 600 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:49,164 >> OH, YOU HAVE BESTED ME THIS TIME, MASTER VENTURE. 601 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:51,625 BUT NEXT TIME I'LL BE READY! 602 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,920 OKAY... 603 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,380 BYE. 604 00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:57,631 >> LOOK, KID, I THREW IN THE GRAPPLE CANNON 605 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:58,840 AND THE CLIMBING CLAWS. 606 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,884 WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? 607 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:01,802 >> 50 BUCKS. 608 00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:02,302 >> I'M A HENCHMAN. 609 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,304 WE DON'T CARRY CASH. 610 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,390 DUDE, WE DON'T EVEN REALLY MAKE CASH. 611 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:07,182 >> ALL RIGHT, FINE. 612 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,642 I WON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS THEN. 613 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:12,354 YOU HAVE MY WORD. 614 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,438 WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? 615 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,523 >> MY RIDE. 616 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,276 >> YEAH, A BRIBE. 617 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,070 THAT KID DROVE A HARD BARGAIN. 618 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,363 HOW DID YOU HANDLE HANK? 619 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,115 >> SHOT HIM IN THE CHEST WITH A DART GUN. 620 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:24,157 >> GOD, A TRANK! 621 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:24,992 NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. 622 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,034 >> NOT A TRANQUILIZER. 623 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,077 I USED THE RIFLE. 624 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:27,828 >> I KNOW. 625 00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:29,121 THOSE SHOOT TRANQUILIZERS. 626 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,123 >> THEY DO? WHAT-- WHY DON'T I KNOW THAT? 627 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:33,959 WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME ANYTHING? 628 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,586 >> ENTER STEALTH MODE AND TAKE HER HOME, BOYS! 629 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:37,838 >> AYE, AYE, MY LOVE! 630 00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:38,463 >> WHAT? 631 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,048 >> WHAT? 632 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,010 >> HI HONEY, I'M HOME. 633 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:46,013 >> UH. 634 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:51,476 GIVE ME THE PRIZE! 635 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,396 I AM THE ONE! 636 00:21:56,857 --> 00:22:11,621 captioning provided by Turner Studios. 637 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:24,051 >> NOW, IT TOOK A LOT OF WORK TO GET THE GUILD TO AGREE 638 00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:25,010 TO THIS. 639 00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:27,220 AND IT'S ONLY ON A TRIAL BASIS. 640 00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,305 >> OKAY, FINE. 641 00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:31,099 CAN I OPEN MY EYES YET? 642 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,059 >> AHHH! 643 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:35,729 SCARY BIG BROWN FLYING POO-POO!