1
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,632
OLDER SEA MONSTER MEANS
A HARDIER BREEDING STOCK!
2
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,968
WHO HAS EVER EVEN
HEARD OF CHAMP?
3
00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:12,512
THE LOCH NESS MONSTER
IS A CELEBRITY!
4
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,097
HE COULD TOTALLY
KICK CHAMP'S ASS.
5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,473
21:
OGOPOGO.
6
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,434
[ GASP! ]
7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,810
CHAMP IS A PICTURE
OF A LOG.
8
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:23,106
NESSIE IS A TOY SUBMARINE WITH
A HEAD MADE OUT OF PLASTIC WOOD.
9
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:26,192
OGOPOGO
IS A PLESIOSAUR --
10
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,028
A [BLEEP] PLESIOSAUR.
11
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,780
OH, WE ARE SCREWED.
WHAT?
12
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,115
NICE JOB.
WHO IS THIS GUY?
13
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,117
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME A LOG,
OR A BEST, A BEAVER
14
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,827
COULD KICK THE ASS
OF A PLESIOSAUR?
15
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,121
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS HE?
LIKE, A CRYPTOZOOLOGIST?
16
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,289
SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
17
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,625
OR IS HE SCULLY
AND MOULDER'S KID?
18
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,128
OGOPOGO.
19
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,755
WELL, UH, OF COURSE.
20
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,883
I MEAN,
IT'S NO CONTEST.
21
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,134
PLESIOSAUR.
22
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:56,139
WELL, UH,
CASE CLOSED THEN.
23
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,559
WHAT WAS THAT?
24
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,936
THAT WAS 21.
THE 21!
25
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,521
IT'S NOT EVEN
HIS NUMBER ANYMORE.
26
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,815
I MEAN, THE GUYS IS,
LIKE, HENCHMAN ONE OR SOMETHING,
27
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,150
BUT HE WON'T
CHANGE HIS NUMBER!
28
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,486
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
THAT WAS TWO-TON 21?
29
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:10,820
THAT GUY'S, LIKE,
A LIVING LEGEND!
30
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,449
MAN! I'M SO GLAD
I DIDN'T MENTION
THE CAR ACCIDENT.
31
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,992
CAR ACCIDENT?
32
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:17,952
CAR ACCIDENT?
33
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,704
THAT WAS NO CAR ACCIDENT.
34
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,915
24 DIED IN
A CAR INTENTIONAL.
35
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,625
WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER, SCRUB?
36
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:24,918
I-I-I-I'M
HENCHMAN 86.
37
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,253
YOU'RE 87 NOW!
LISTEN UP, NOOBS!
38
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:30,673
I WANT HENCHMEN 87 THROUGH 95
FOR FIELD DUTY!
39
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,051
YOU GOT 15 MINUTES
TO PUT ON YOUR MAKEUP
40
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:36,095
AND FIX YOUR HAIR!
41
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,013
WHAT ARE YOU
SMILING ABOUT?
42
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:39,182
I HAVE ALLERGIES.
WHAT? WHO CARES?
43
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,850
DUDE, I WAS 87.
44
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,560
YOU JUST GOT ME MOVED UP
TO 86.
45
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,437
NOW I DON'T HAVE
TO RAKE LEAVES ALL WEEK.
46
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,732
I HAVE ALLERGIES.
47
00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,860
Monarch:
WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?
48
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,154
21 HAS TURNED MY OBSESSIVE WAR
WITH VENTURE
49
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,324
INTO THE SLICKEST OPERATION
IN ORGANIZED VILLAINY.
50
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,660
I KNOW, BUT I'M
WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
51
00:01:58,743 --> 00:01:59,869
WORRY ABOUT ME!
52
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,287
I HAVE AN INTERVIEW
WITH MODERN ENEMY MONTHLY,
53
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,582
AND I HAVE THIS HUGE ZIT
GROWING ON THE SIDE
OF MY NOSE!
54
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,625
YOU CAN'T SEE IT.
55
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,335
IT'S BECAUSE
IT HASN'T BLOOMED.
56
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,712
GOD, I CAN FEEL IT
PRESSING ITS WAY OUT,
57
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,714
AND OOOH, IT WILL SURFACE.
58
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,007
AND IT WILL BE
A WHOPPER!
59
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,717
ASIDE FROM YOUR
PENDING BLEMISH,
60
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:15,969
I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.
61
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,012
21 LOSES HIS
ONLY FRIEND AND --
62
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,391
WHAT? WHO?
24! REALLY? SERIOUSLY?
63
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,226
THEY WERE
INSEPARABLE.
64
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,185
THAT? OH, STOP IT.
65
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,812
HE'S SEEN HUNDREDS
OF HENCHMEN DIE.
66
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,565
HE'S PERSONALLY
KILLED SOME. HE'S FINE.
67
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,941
DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT HE'S DONE?
68
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,735
YES, BUILT US A MUD ROOM,
TURNED MY HENCHMEN
69
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,988
INTO A CRACK TEAM
OF WINGED KILLERS,
70
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,823
ALPHABETIZED
MY DVD COLLECTION,
71
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,659
PUT LITTLE LASERS
ON MY WRIST SHOOTERS,
72
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,286
HIRED THIS GUY.
73
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:44,372
CONFIT OF DUCK SERVED WITH
A RASPBERRY BALSAMIC
VINAIGRETTE
74
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,666
ON A BED OF ROCKET
AND SUNCHOKE.
75
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,793
SEE! ROCKET AND SUNCHOKE.
76
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,712
SWEETIE, DO YOU EVEN
KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
77
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,005
NOT A CLUE.
NEITHER DO I!
78
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,883
AND THAT IS FANCY!
21 DID THAT!
79
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,509
I WISH THAT WAS ALL
HE WAS DOING.
80
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,846
NO, IT WASN'T MY POOL.
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
81
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,098
SHE WAS, LIKE, HANGING
ON MY SHOULDERS,
82
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:05,059
AND I COULD FEEL HER BIG
CHEST BUMPS AGAINST MY BACK.
83
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,730
SHE WAS TOTALLY
INTO ME -- WHAT?
84
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,981
NO, SHE WAS A STRONG SWIMMER!
85
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,108
I'M TELLING YOU,
SHE WASN'T DROWNING
86
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:13,234
SHE WAS INTO ME!
87
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,861
I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS LIKE
A ONE PIECE
88
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,280
WITH A RACING STRIPE
DOWN THE SDIE.
89
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,282
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
90
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,742
WHY WOULD THAT MEAN
SHE WAS SLOPPY!
91
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:24,454
DIDN'T HAVE A DETACHABLE SKIRT.
IT WAS A REGULAR BATHING SUIT.
92
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:25,622
PLEASE! THAT'S IT?
93
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,415
COME ON, I STILL TALK
TO MY FRIEND'S CORPSE.
94
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,042
THAT'S
A STUFFED CAT!
IT'S DIFFERENT.
95
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,878
I MEAN, IT'S
ABOUT AS CREEPY,
BUT IT'S DIFFERENT.
96
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,922
MR. MOSTLY MITTENS
WAS MY BEST FRIEND!
97
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,757
THAT CAT COULD
FETCH A RUBBER BAND!
98
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,592
HE'D BRING IT BACK
EVERY TIME!
99
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,094
IT'S THE SAME
KINDA THING, IT'S JUST --
100
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,471
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
101
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,805
THEY DIDN'T HAVE
DINNER YET.
102
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,600
IF YOU FEED THEM TABLE SCRAPS,
THEY'LL JUST KEEP DOING IT!
103
00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,144
GET OUT! NOW! GO!
104
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,146
ALL RIGHT, SAM.
RELAX.
105
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,356
IT'S ALL GOOD.
106
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,650
I'M MORE CONCERNED ABOUT
THOSE ROTTEN LITTLE THINGS
107
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:54,984
THAN I AM HENCHMAN 21.
108
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,654
I'M JUST WORRIED HE'S
GONNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY.
109
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:01,157
HE'S A MODEL HENCH--
MAN, OH MAN!
110
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,286
ROCKET AND SUNCHOKE
TASTES LIKE BURNING SOAP!
111
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,914
THE TRAINING IS COMPLETE.
THE TIMING IS RIGHT.
112
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:11,709
IT'S TIME I LET YOU IN
ON "THE LAZARUS PROJECT."
113
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,963
NO, DOES IT SOUND LIKE
I WAS GONNA BRING YOU BACK
FROM THE DEAD?
114
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,130
OKAY, WHATEVER.
115
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,507
I JUST THOUGHT
IT SOUNDED COOL.
116
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:21,094
I ALSO HAVE "AVENGING ANGELS,"
"DRAGON THUNDER UNDERTAKING,"
117
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,805
AND MY SECOND CHOICE
"EYE FOR AN I."
118
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,598
THE SECOND "EYE"
IS THE LETTER I.
119
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,850
IT'S PRETTY COOL.
I ALSO HAVE A LOGO FOR IT.
120
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,352
SWEET, I LIKE
THAT ONE, TOO.
121
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:32,063
I HAVE A LIST
OF YOUR POSSIBLE MURDERERS.
122
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,148
WE SHALL APPREHEND,
INTERROGATE,
123
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:37,360
AND IF NEED BE,
EXECUTE EACH SUSPECT.
124
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,362
I AM TOTALLY BEING SERIOUS.
125
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,739
"AN EYE FOR AN I"
BEGINS TONIGHT!
126
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:46,119
AND IT BEGINS WITH
THE VENTURE FAMILY.
127
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,252
SNAP!
THAT WAS YOUR NECK, HANK.
128
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,336
I JUST BROKE YOUR NECK.
129
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,963
NOW I'M GONNA TAKE
YOUR SKIN OFF
130
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,923
AND WEAR IT TO
THE DING DONG PROM!
131
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,174
I KNEW IT WAS YOU.
132
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,217
WHAT IS GOING ON?
133
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,594
WELL, GOOD MORNING,
MR. SLEEPY KILL ME!
134
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,721
I JUST MURDERED
YOUR BROTHER,
135
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,639
AND HAD ENOUGH TIME
TO RIP HIS LEG OFF
136
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:07,974
AND BEAT YOU
WITH IT.
137
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,226
YOU BOYS GOTTA GET
WITH THE PROGRAM!
138
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,436
I KNEW IT WAS YOU!
139
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,397
AND YOU WERE SO LUCKY I DID,
BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO--
140
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,732
THAT IS HORSE POOP!
141
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,152
LOOK, I DON'T WANNA FAKE
DISMEMBER YOU BOYS EVERY NIGHT,
142
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,988
BUT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE
THAT YOU ARE JUST...
143
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,866
MORE FRAGILE THAN YOU'RE
ACCUSTOMED TO.
144
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,409
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
BUT IN THE FUTURE,
145
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,744
COULD YOU WARN US
BEFORE YOU DO THAT?
146
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,997
IN THE FUTURE, THE LAZY ELOI
WILL BE LIVING ABOVE GROUND.
147
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,416
BUT UNDERGROUND, THERE WILL BE
CAVE MONSTERS
148
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,502
THAT USE THE ABOVE GROUND PEOPLE
FOR FOOD.
149
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,920
DEAN, THEY EAT THEM.
150
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,007
NOW I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY COPY OF THE TIME MACHINE.
151
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,759
SEE, I DIDN'T TAKE IT!
152
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:43,968
I EXPECT
AN APOLOGY.
153
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,137
AND ALSO, I WANT A DOLLAR.
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.
154
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:49,098
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M GOING BACK
TO SLEEP!
155
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,266
YES, IT IS!
156
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:52,226
IT'S RIDICULOUS THAT
YOU TWO CAN'T HIT
157
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,271
THE PANIC ROOM BUTTON WHEN
SOMEONE TRIES TO KILL YOU!
158
00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,940
BROCK NEVER HAD PROBLEMS
PROTECTING US.
159
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,569
LOW BLOW, HANK.
UMM, DEAN?
160
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,945
WHAT?
161
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,199
WHICH BOOK COMES AFTER
MYSTERY OF THE BURNING ISLAND?
162
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,950
GIANT BOY DETECTIVE
AND THE SECRET
163
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,786
OF THE DISAPPEARING PYRAMID.
164
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:10,953
OKAY, I'M, UH...
165
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,455
I'M JUST GONNA
BORROW THAT.
166
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,458
Girlfriend:
AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT
"WEE WEE WEE"
167
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,918
ALL THE WAY HOME.
168
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:19,128
WAIT, ANOTHER
LITTLE PIGGY.
169
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,296
WHAT DOES THIS PIGGY DO?
170
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:21,714
Monarch:
HARDLY A LITTLE PIGGY.
171
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,716
Girlfriend:
WELL, HE ALREADY DID
ALL HIS SHOPPING.
172
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,260
Monarch:
SO THERE IS NO NEED FOR HIM
TO GO TO MARKET.
173
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:29,180
Girlfriend:
AND THERE'S NO WAY
HE'S GONNA GO "WEE WEE WEE--
174
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:31,349
Monarch:
I DIDN'T THINK YOU LET ME DO
THAT THE FIRST TIME.
175
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,600
I'M NOT
GONNA PUSH IT.
176
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:36,896
WELL, WHAT IF I FIND
A NICE PLACE FOR
THE PIGGY?
177
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,148
I HAVE SOME IDEAS.
178
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,067
UGH.
HONEY, YOUR FACE!
179
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,693
SWEET -- UGH!
IT'S DISGUSTING!
180
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:46,239
THAT BAD?
I TOLD YOU THAT ZIT
WAS READY TO BLOOM.
181
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,866
I'M GONNA GO HIT THIS
WITH SOME TWEEZERS.
182
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:49,992
DON'T GET DRESSED!
183
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,327
IF THAT'S A ZIT,
I'M GONNA CALL GUINESS.
184
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:54,956
THAT'S A WORLD RECORD.
THIS IS SOMETHING WAY WORSE.
185
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,125
AAAH!
MOTHER [BLEEP]!
186
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,502
WHAT IS THAT?
187
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,672
EAT IT!
188
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,757
TOO FAST FOR YA.
189
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:08,010
ONE IS MINT IN BOX.
THE OTHER IS OUT OF STOCK. OVER.
190
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,680
COPY THAT.
I'LL HANDLE IT. OVER.
191
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,933
DEAN. DEAN?
HEY, DUDE!
192
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,352
SLEEP HEAVY ENOUGH?
193
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,604
AAAHH!
OH, GROSS!
194
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,647
THE KID'S PACKING WOOD.
195
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,190
COPY.
DO YOU REQUIRE BACKUP? OVER.
196
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,567
NO, NO, NOT THAT KIND
OF "PACKING WOOD."
197
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,611
SERIOUSLY. AND TRUST ME,
NOBODY ELSE NEEDS TO SEE THIS.
198
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,155
IT'S RANK.
199
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,699
UGH.
200
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,200
GRIM.
201
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,453
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S MOVE.
202
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,624
[ CLATTER! ]
203
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:42,086
OW! [BLEEP] COFFEE TABLE!
MOTHER [BLEEP]!
204
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,171
COME ON,
LET ME SEE!
205
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,256
MY FACE IS MASSIVE!
I'M A FREAK!
206
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:48,176
[ LAUGHS ]
CAN I COME IN
IF I HAVE A TICKET?
207
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,886
I PROMISE NOT TO
BANG ON YOUR CAGE.
208
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,387
YES, PLEASE
MAKE LIGHT OF THIS.
209
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:52,597
IT'S HELPING.
210
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,140
I FEEL MUCH BETTER
ABOUT MY HIDEOUS DEFORMITY.
211
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,601
SHOULD WE CHANGE OUR
COSTUME THEME,
SWEETIE?
212
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,186
MAYBE YOU COULD BE
GLOB FACE,
213
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,896
AND I COULD BE
LADY GLOB FACE.
214
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,856
MAYBE WE'LL GET
A GLOB MOBILE
215
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,232
AND GLOBBO
THE WONDER DOG.
216
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,984
WHY ARE YOU
NOT HELPING ME?
217
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,485
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO?
218
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,071
CLEARLY,
YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO
WHATEVER ROCKET IS.
219
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,781
OR WHATEVER SUNCHOKE IS.
220
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,159
OH, MAYBE A FORTRESS
OF GLOBITUDE.
221
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,621
[ SIGHS ]
I'M GOING BACK
IN THE BATHROOM.
222
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:21,083
GET UP! EMERGENCY!
OUR HOME HAS BEEN VIOLATED!
223
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,752
WHAT TIME IS IT?
224
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,503
GO TIME!
225
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,756
I WAS DOWNSTAIRS SITTING IN
FRONT OF THE COMPUTER
MASTURBATING,
226
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,090
AND THEN ZIP!
227
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,384
THIS IS STICKING OUT OF MY NECK,
MY CLOTHES ARE GONE,
228
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:31,677
AND THE BOYS
ARE MISSING!
229
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,762
OH, MY GOD!
230
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,764
DON'T YOU WORRY!
WE'LL GET 'EM BACK.
231
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,933
I MEAN, OH, MY GOD,
YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU WERE
232
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,227
MASTURBATING
IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER.
THAT'S FOUL.
233
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,228
OH, WHAT --
AND YOU DON'T?
234
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,438
WELL, YEAH.
BUT I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
235
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:45,024
LOOK, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT
YOUR NEEDLESS SHAME LATER.
236
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,693
WE HAVE TO RESCUE
YOUR SONS!
237
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:48,694
FINE.
238
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,947
WELL, THAT'S A MONARCH DART,
SO WE...
239
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:51,989
GET THEM OR SOMETHING?
240
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,157
NOT SO SIMPLE.
241
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,243
LOOK, I WAS IN THE GUILD
OF CALAMITOUS INTENT.
242
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,495
AND I'M ALSO
A RECOVERED PEDOPHILE.
243
00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,414
SO IF ANYONE
KNOWS THE RULES ABOUT
ABDUCTING YOUNG BOYS
244
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,960
FROM THEIR BED,
IT'S OLD SGT. HATRED.
245
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,962
WHY DID I LET YOU
TAKE THIS JOB?
246
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,463
BECAUSE I'M GREAT!
247
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,006
PLUS I HAD NO JOB,
NO HOME,
248
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,967
AND REFUSED TO LEAVE YOURS.
249
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,301
AND NOT THE POINT!
250
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,513
THIS ABDUCTION MALARKEY IS
COMPLETELY AGAINST GUILD LAW.
251
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:19,642
SO WE'RE GONNA HANDLE THIS ONE
THE HATRED WAY.
252
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,977
TAKE SOME
ANTIHISTAMINES!
253
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,145
I DON'T HAVE A LITTLE
TICKLE IN MY CHEST,
254
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,522
I LOOK LIKE
JOHN MERRICK!
255
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,692
I NEED, LIKE, A CORTISONE
INJECTION OR SOMETHING, DUH!
256
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:28,693
I DON'T KNOW,
I'M NOT A DOCTOR!
257
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,111
[ PHONE RINGS ]
OH, YOU'RE NOT?
258
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,113
THEN WHY THE [BLEEP] HAVE
I BEEN CALLING YOU
259
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,489
"DR. GIRLFRIEND," HUH?
260
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:35,324
I'M NOT THAT KIND
OF A DOCTOR.
261
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,952
HOLD ON, I'M GONNA GET THAT.
MONARCH RESIDENCE.
262
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,245
AHEM, YEAH.
HI.
263
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,956
THIS IS SGT. HATRED.
I USED TO LIVE NEXT DOOR,
264
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,708
BUT NOW I'M KINDA YOUR
ARCH ENEMY?
265
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,042
YEAH?
266
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,128
YEAH, WELL, IT SEEMS YOU
ILLEGALLY TOOK THE VENTURE BOYS.
267
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,547
SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO HAND 'EM OVER,
268
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,966
OR I'LL COME OVER
TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW IT UP.
269
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:55,511
AND I GUESS I'LL PROBABLY HAVE
TO KILL THE BOTH OF YOU, TOO.
270
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,263
HOLD ON.
OKAY.
271
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,597
SO, YOU LIKE THE BRIEFS?
272
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,392
I FIND THEM A TAD TOO TIGHT
ON MY LITTLE BATTALION.
273
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,269
SWEETIE, I HAVE
TO TAKE THIS CALL!
274
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,605
WHO IS IT?
IS IT MODERN ENEMY MONTHLY?
275
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,690
UH, YEAH.
276
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,650
AND THEY WANNA DO
A BLURB ON ME.
277
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,901
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!
278
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,529
NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
IT'S YOU NAKED ON THE COVER!
279
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:16,032
I KNEW IT!
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
280
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,537
AND WALKS RIGHT ACROSS
THAT LAKE.
281
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,540
YOU SEE, THE LITTLE WAIF
LEADS THEM TO THE ISLAND --
282
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:26,542
HUP, SHE'S BACK
ON THE HORN.
283
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,377
I'LL TELL YOU THE REST LATER.
284
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,670
LISTEN, I CAN ASSURE YOU
285
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,547
THAT THE MONARCH AND I
DID NOT TAKE THEM.
286
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,759
WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU,
LITTLE MISS SO-AND-SO,
287
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,218
THAT SOMEBODY THERE DID.
288
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,678
AND IF YOU DON'T HELP US
GET 'EM BACK,
289
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:40,556
I CAN ASSURE YOU
THAT THE GUILD WILL HAVE
290
00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,683
YOUR COLLECTIVE HEADS!
291
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,559
OKAY, I'LL TAKE
CARE OF THIS.
292
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:45,394
WRONG! WE'LL TAKE
CARE OF THIS.
293
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,397
DOC AND I ARE GONNA
BE AT YOUR DOOR
IN ONE HOUR!
294
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,815
NOT THE DOOR!
295
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:53,611
I'LL MEET YOU AT
THE OLD OBSERVATORY.
296
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,502
LOOKS LIKE THE SET
OF THE GILMORE GIRLS.
297
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,669
LOOKS CAN BE
DECEIVING.
298
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,922
EVER WONDER WHERE
VILLAINS GET THEIR
MAIL SENT?
299
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,508
IT AIN'T TO THEIR
HOLLOWED OUT
VOLCANO!
300
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:17,176
IT'S RIGHT HERE --
MALICE.
301
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:20,679
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE MORE
IMPRESSIVE IF I HADN'T BEEN
HERE, LIKE 50 TIMES,
302
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,515
AND USUALLY TO RESCUE
THE BOYS.
303
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,558
WE JUST HAVE TO STOP
AT MY OLD PLACE
304
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,435
AND PICK UP SOME GEAR.
305
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,354
NEVER KNOW WHAT KINDA --
306
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,605
UH, PROBLEM?
307
00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:32,692
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TURN YOUR VEHICLE
AROUND.
308
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,110
THIS IS A GATED
COMMUNITY.
309
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,946
YEAH, I'M A PRETTY
LITTLE FLOWER.
310
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,948
LIKE A PROM DATE,
MAYBE?
311
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,032
THIS IS A GATED
COMMUNITY.
312
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:43,244
ENJOY THE SILENCE.
ARE YOU FOR SUPPER?
313
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,787
GATED. GATED.
TURTLES!
314
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:49,083
NOW LET'S GO DREAM ABOUT LITTLE
BREADED CHICKEN FINGERS.
315
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,459
HA! ROBOTS!
316
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,170
PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND TO
OVER 700 DIFFERENT QUESTIONS.
317
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:56,090
NONE OF WHICH INCLUDES
CHICKEN FINGERS.
318
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,133
HEY, SOUVENIR!
319
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,801
YOU CAN USE 'EM
LIKE HALLOWEEN MASKS.
320
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:03,806
MAYBE DEAN CAN GO AS
A MIDDLE-AGED SECURITY GUARD
THIS YEAR, HUH?
321
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,808
WHAT IS GOING ON?
322
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,393
YOU HAVE BEEN
DRIVEN INSANE!
323
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,813
YOU HAVE BEEN SUBJECTED TO
THE DREADED CHINESE
WATER TORTURE
324
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,773
FOR EASILY
A HALF AN HOUR.
325
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,567
YOU HAVE LOST YOUR GRIP
ON REALITY.
326
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,860
WE'RE DELIRIOUS?
327
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,821
SO, THIS IS A DREAM,
AND WE'RE NOT REALLY --
328
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,156
OH, NO, YOU'RE
ACTUALLY HERE.
329
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,992
BUT IF I'M HALF MONSTER,
AND LIKE HALF GOAT
330
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,994
AND HALF HOR--
THAT'S STUPID.
331
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,620
OKAY, IF MY BOTTOM HALF
IS A HORSE,
332
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,165
AND ON TOP
I'M SIN-EATER.
333
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:29,999
WHO'S SIN-EATER?
334
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,375
OR WOLVERINE
WITH BAT WINGS.
335
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,919
DUDE, YOU'RE THAT HENCHMAN GUY.
336
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,919
WITH BAT WINGS?
337
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,005
NO, THAT IS MENTAL!
YOU'RE REGULAR.
338
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,756
ARE YOU SURE YOU DID
THIS RIGHT?
339
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,301
BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY
TORTURED.
340
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,802
JUST KINDA WET.
341
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,804
THE REAL TORTURE
IS THAT FARTY SMELL.
342
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,014
DID YOU PUT SOMETHING
IN THE WATER?
343
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,223
THE WATER'S CLEAN.
344
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,017
BUT THOSE ARE TOTALLY
THE BUCKETS WE USED
345
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,520
TO MOP UP
THE LEVEL 4 BATHROOM.
346
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,814
HI, HONEY.
347
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,024
WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU LEAVE?
348
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,569
YEAH, THE MAGAZINE WANTED
TO DO A QUICK PHOTO SHOOT.
349
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,946
AT NIGHT.
AT THE OLD OBSERVATORY.
350
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,032
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
MY PHOTO SHOOT!
351
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,659
WAIT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON
UNDER YOUR ROBE?
352
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:06,535
CLOTHING?
353
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,205
NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
LET'S SEE IT.
354
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,122
KNEW IT!
355
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,582
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK,
SWEETIE!
356
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,042
OH, YEAH,
IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK.
357
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,211
WELL, I'M GONNA
GO TO THE COCOON
358
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,837
AND MAYBE GO ARCHING
WITHOUT YOU.
359
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,256
YOU LIKE THAT IDEA?
THAT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA.
360
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,050
SERIOUSLY, BABY,
DON'T GO TO THE COCOON,
361
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,260
WHY? I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE
IN, LIKE, FOREVER.
362
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,553
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING
FROM ME?
363
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,096
SWEETIE, PLEASE DON'T GO--
364
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,973
WE'LL HANDLE
THE MONARCH, MUM.
365
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,142
HE WON'T BE GOING
ANYWHERE.
366
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,854
TIM-TOM, I MEAN JUST KEEP HIM
BUSY SO HE DOESN'T LEAVE.
367
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:34,897
DON'T GO ALL CRAZY.
368
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,398
HE'LL FLIP IF HE KNOWS
WHAT'S GOING ON.
369
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,777
ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON A SECOND.
I HAVE ANOTHER CALL.
370
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,986
HI.
HI.
371
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,821
I DIDN'T GET CUT OFF.
I HUNG UP ON YOU.
372
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,740
OH, I KNOW.
373
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,740
WHY DIDN'T YOU
CALL ME BACK?
374
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:46,158
I THOUGHT YOU'D JUST
HANG UP--
375
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,618
Doc:
ARE WE GONNA GET
YOUR GEAR, OR WHAT?
376
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,955
Hatred:
I CAN'T GO IN THERE.
MY EX IS IN THERE.
377
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,039
OKAY, THEN LET'S GO.
378
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,624
HONESTLY, WHAT GEAR
DO WE NEED --
379
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,334
AN H-SHAPED
GRAPPLED GUN?
380
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,836
OH, WILL YOU LOOK
AT THAT SWEET SQUAW.
381
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,089
SHE IS JUST SITTING THERE
MISSING ME.
382
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,341
WHAT A WOMAN SHE IS --
WHAT? WHO'S HE?
383
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,759
THERE'S A GUY IN
THERE? LET ME SEE!
384
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,094
WHO IS THAT OTHER GUY?
385
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,263
I CAN'T TELL.
EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME
IN A LEATHER MASK.
386
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,181
OKAY, I RECOGNIZE THE
ONE WITH THE BALL GAG.
387
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,559
THAT'S PRIVATE SCHWA.
I CAN'T LOOK!
388
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,935
TELL ME WHAT'S
GOING ON!
389
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,853
OKAY, THE BIG GUY WITH
THE SADDLE ON HIS BACK
390
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,188
IS JUST DRIVING HIS--
391
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,066
AAH! LIE TO ME!
DAMN YOU, LIE TO ME!
392
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,276
FINE, JUST RELAX.
393
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,944
OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE REHEARSING
FOR A PLAY.
394
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,781
IS THERE A NON-MUSICAL,
MOSTLY NUDE VERSION
OF OKLAHOMA!?
395
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,158
HELLO.
396
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,201
WHERE IS YOU GOING?
397
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,786
FOR A WALK.
WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
398
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,329
YOU AREN'T
GOING ANYWHERE.
399
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,914
I WOULDN'T EVEN
TRY TO MOVE--
400
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,624
AAH AAH!
DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE.
401
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,751
I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS
ONCE.
402
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,128
I DON'T LIKE YOU TWO.
403
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,382
AND IF YOU EVER, EVER TRY
TO GIVE ME AN ORDER AGAIN,
404
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:44,925
I WILL KILL YOU BOTH,
405
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,469
AND FEED YOUR TINY
ROTTING BODIES
406
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,305
TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD DOGS.
407
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,764
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
408
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,308
HAVE A NICE WALK?
409
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,311
HOW ABOUT YOU?
DO I HAVE TO GET A CAN OF RAID
AND SPRAY YOU?
410
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,479
I DIDN'T SAY NOTHING.
411
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,856
ANYTHING?
412
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,149
NOPE.
STILL SANE.
413
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,318
OKAY. WELL, JUST TELL ME
WHEN YOU'RE DRIVEN
414
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:04,486
SO CRAZY WITH THE WATER TORTURE
THAT YOU WANNA CONFESS.
415
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,779
TO WHAT?!
416
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,489
OKAY, I DON'T
WANNA SOUND LIKE
A KNOW-IT-ALL, BUT--
417
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,825
IT'S A LITTLE
TOO LATE FOR THAT, DEANO.
418
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:12,369
SMACK! I WAS JUST
GONNA SAY THAT!
419
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,330
HAR-DEE-HAR.
PWNED!
420
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,498
THIS IS UNPROVOKED TORTURE
AND KIDNAPPING.
421
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,250
IT'S COMPLETEY AGAINST
GUILD PROCEDURE.
422
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,127
THE MONARCH COULD GET
IN BIG TROUBLE FOR THIS.
423
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,671
DO YOU SEE
THE MONARCH AROUND? I DON'T.
424
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,089
DEAN, THIS IS ABOUT ME,
425
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,924
AND THE MURDER OF MY
BEST FRIEND.
426
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,509
YOUR FRIEND
WAS MURDERED?
427
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,762
DUH! YOU DON'T REMEMBER
A CAR BLOWING UP IN YOUR YARD,
428
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,180
KILLING MY ONLY FRIEND?
429
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:34,266
OH, WASN'T THAT THE SAME DAY
THAT 100 GOOEY COPIES
430
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,684
OF ME AND MY BROTHER
WERE MOWED DOWN
431
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,478
BY A LUNATIC
IN A SPINNING LASER SUIT?
432
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:41,106
AND THE DAY THAT MY BEST FRIEND
BROCK LEFT US FOREVER?
433
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,777
HOW COULD WE FORGET ONE
OF, LIKE, A MILLION GUYS
434
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,111
WHO DIED ON MY LAWN?
435
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,530
YEAH, AND THAT
HAPPENED A PRETTY
LONG TIME AGO.
436
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,115
WHY ARE YOU DOING
THIS NOW?
437
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,951
AFTER THAT HAPPENED,
I WAS DEVASTATED.
438
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,704
I BURIED MOST OF WHAT
I COULD FIND OF 24.
439
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,375
AND WITH HIM,
I BURIED MY DREAMS.
440
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,169
COMPANY!
FIRE!
441
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,337
FIRE!
442
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:04,755
I COULDN'T GO ON
BEING A HENCHMAN.
443
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:06,215
NOTHING MADE SENSE
WITH 24 GONE.
444
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,885
SO I WENT BACK TO MY LIFE
BEFORE I WAS 21.
445
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:11,637
I WENT BACK TO BEING --
446
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,930
GARRY!
WHAT?
447
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,056
KEEP IT DOWN,
IN THERE!
448
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,892
MOM, I'M PODCASTING
MY LIFE STORY!
449
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,227
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
450
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,978
WELL, BE IMPORTANT
QUIETLY!
451
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,231
OKAY! FINE!
GEESH.
452
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,566
THIS WAS NO ORDINARY
EIGHTH GRADE WASHINGTON TRIP.
453
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:28,862
THIS WAS THE DAY THAT I WAS
TO BE STOLEN INTO THE LIFE
OF A HENCH--
454
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,280
GARRY!
MOM!
455
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,074
BUT THERE WAS NOTHING
FOR ME THERE.
456
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,910
I KNEW MY PURPOSE WAS TO MAKE
24'S DEATH MEAN SOMETHING.
457
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,746
I KNEW THAT I HAD TO BECOME
NOT ONLY A HENCHMAN,
458
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,581
BUT A LEADER OF HENCHMEN.
459
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:42,251
I TRAINED MYSELF
IN THE MYSTIC ARTS.
460
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,254
LIGHTNING BOLT!
LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!
461
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,840
AND IN THE FIGHTING ARTS.
462
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,342
HEY, THAT'S NOT --
[ GRUNTS ]
463
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,928
MY BODY BECAME
A MUSCLED KILLING MACHINE.
464
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,847
Hank:
WELL...
DON'T GO CRAZY.
465
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,265
OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT
BEFORE.
466
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,016
I DID,
LIKE A MILLION TIMES.
467
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,268
ANYWAY, HANK.
468
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:03,564
I WAS READY TO REJOIN
MY OLD UNIT.
469
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,944
AND UNDER MY TUTELAGE,
THAT UNIT BECAME
470
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,613
THE MOST FEARED HENCHMEN
EVER TO DON THE WINGS.
471
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:16,243
I VOWED NEVER AGAIN WILL
WE LOSE A MAN TO MY COWARDICE.
472
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,829
OH, YEAH.
I DID IT.
473
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,582
IT WAS ME.
I KILLED 24.
474
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,625
WE ALL DID,
GARRY.
475
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,043
WE ALL DID.
476
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,128
DON'T BLAME ME,
I DIDN'T!
477
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,212
AND YOU SERIOUSLY GOTTA
UNTIE ME
478
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,298
OR YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO SCRATCH MY HEINIE.
479
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,093
BECAUSE MY HEINIE
TOTALLY ITCHES.
480
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,185
BAR'S CLOSED.
481
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,811
GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU
TO LEAVE.
482
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,772
EXCUSE ME, YOU INSOLENT
SOON TO BE CORPSE...
483
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,064
DID YOU JUST REFUSE
ME A DRINK?
484
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:49,485
NO SERVING PAST MIDNIGHT.
GENERAL 21'S ORDERS.
485
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,069
GENERAL 21?
GENERAL?!
486
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,446
DO YOU KNOW WHO
YOU ARE SPEAKING TO?
487
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,865
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO PAL.
I ASKED NICE.
488
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,909
I DON'T CARE IF YOU WHISPER IT
INTO MY EAR
489
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,076
AND GIVE ME A CORSAGE,
490
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:03,373
I AM NOT LEAVING
TILL I GET MY FRESCA.
491
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,334
WHHYYYY!
492
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,836
WHY WOULD LET THEM
DO THAT TO YOU?
493
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,798
WAIT A MINUTE -- I ASKED YOU
TO DO THAT POSITION.
494
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,633
APPARENTLY I DIDN'T ASK YOU
495
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,719
WHILE WEARING BUTTLESS
LEATHER CHAPS!
496
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,764
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
497
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:24,937
OH, WHAT WOULD
GIANT BOY DETECTIVE DO?
498
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,856
WHAT THE --
499
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,234
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WHERE WERE YOU?
500
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,277
THE TREE FORT
BACK THERE.
WHO ARE YOU?
501
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,739
GO HOME. NOW.
I DON'T NEED THIS.
502
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,783
MAN, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOUR FACE?
503
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,451
WHAT'S
WRONG WITH YOURS?
504
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,454
HENRY, THAT'S RUDE.
CLEARLY HE'S DEFORMED.
505
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,081
PROBABLY
THE KINDLY OLD
GROUNDSKEEPER.
506
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,874
YEAH. KINDLY OLD
GROUNDSKEEPER.
507
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,586
I WAS ONCE YOUNG AND HANDSOME
AND THEN A WITCH CAST
A SPELL ON ME.
508
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:50,546
WELL, SORRY.
509
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,005
SO DO YOU WANT DEAN
TO KISS YOU?
510
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,173
HE'S A PRINCESS!
511
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,050
NO!
I WANT YOU TO GO HOME.
512
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,052
OKAY.
WHERE ARE WE?
513
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:58,428
THE MAGICAL LAND
OF NARNIA.
514
00:18:58,512 --> 00:18:59,888
I'LL CALL YOU
A CAB.
515
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,391
Girlfriend:
AND THE TELESCOPE
IS REALLY A LASER.
516
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,851
NEVER SEEN IT FIRED.
517
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,061
I DID.
I WAS LIKE FOUR, MAYBE FIVE.
518
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,521
SUPER LOUD.
519
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,064
PROBABLY THE REASON
I HAVE TINNITUS.
520
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:12,067
YEAH, THAT WAS IN
ONE OF THE EPISODES OF
THE RUSTY VENTURE SHOW.
521
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,986
SO YOU'RE A FAN.
FIGURED.
522
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,029
AND HERE WE ARE.
ALONE.
523
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,447
WHAT WOULD THE NEIGHBORS
THINK?
524
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,199
THE NEIGHBORS ARE
AUNTIMATTER,
525
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,909
WHO'S A SPINSTER
THAT SHAPE SHIFTS,
526
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,370
AND FLYING SQUID,
HE'S PRETTY
SELF-EXPLANATORY.
527
00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:26,248
SO I DON'T THINK
THEY'D FIND THIS
WEIRD.
528
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,166
I HAVE A MAGIC GUY
LIVING IN MY HOUSE.
529
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,169
OH, AND MY FORMER ARCH ENEMY
IS NOW MY BODYGUARD.
530
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,213
SO, LOOKS LIKE
WE MADE IT.
531
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:36,425
EXACTLY WHAT
MY PARENTS WANTED FOR ME.
532
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,384
GUARANTEED.
533
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,053
YEAH, MY FATHER
WOULD BE PROUD.
534
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,598
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN THE BOYS?
535
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,598
NO.
536
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,725
DID YOU TRY
CALLING THEM?
537
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,059
AWW!
538
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,437
HATRED,
WHAT AN IDIOT.
539
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,105
NO, HE NEVER --
540
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,274
WORLD'S WORST
BODYGUARD.
541
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,067
WHAT'S UP, POP?
WHERE ARE YOU?
542
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,945
IN BED.
543
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,945
REALLY? WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT?
544
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,071
WE WERE IN GARRY'S TREE FORT.
545
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,158
WE TOOK A CAB HOME
LIKE AN HOUR AGO.
546
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,705
[ KNOCKING ]
547
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,665
WHAT'S THE PASSWORD?
548
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,917
I FORGOT.
549
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,126
OH, WAIT, I REMEMBER.
550
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:13,587
I'M THE [BLEEP] MONARCH!
LET ME IN, NOW!
551
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:14,630
IT'S OPEN.
552
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,173
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
553
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,550
IT'S THE CHINESE
WATER TORTURE.
554
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,927
IT'S NOT REALLY TORTURE.
555
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,346
IT'S LIKE, UH, NAPPING
UNDER AN AIR CONDITIONER, KINDA.
556
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:23,680
WHOA!
557
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,474
YOU KNOW, I THINK THE WATER
TORTURE HAS GIVEN ME
558
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,808
SECOND SIGHT,
OR SOMETHING.
559
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,061
I CAN SEE YOUR TRUE,
EVIL SELF.
560
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,520
IT HAS BEEN REVEALED.
561
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,981
HARDLY.
IT'S AN ALLERGIC REACTION
TO A FANCY SALAD.
562
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,776
OH. SO, UH, WHY ARE YOU NOT
WITH DR. GIRLFRIEND?
563
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,029
SHE'S TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF
FOR MY INTERVIEW.
564
00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,114
YOU'D LIKE THAT,
WOULDN'T YOU.
565
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,366
YOUR WIFE NAKED?
NO!
566
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,785
I MEAN, SHE'S PRETTY,
BUT NO, THAT'S --
567
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:48,330
YEAH, PHASE OUT THE MONARCH
SO YOU CAN TAKE HIS PLACE, HUH?
568
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:49,456
WHAT?
I'M ONTO YOU!
569
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:51,667
I KNOW YOU HAD
THE VENTURE BROTHERS HERE.
570
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:52,668
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
571
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:53,835
NOBODY.
I CAN SMELL THEM.
572
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,338
HANK WEARS MORE STETSON COLOGNE
THAN A GIGOLO,
573
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,715
AND DEAN SMELLS
LIKE SELSUN BLUE.
574
00:20:58,799 --> 00:20:59,841
SO, UH, WHAT?
575
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,510
ARE YOU TORTURING THEM
WITHOUT ME?
576
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,761
HARDLY.
I BLEW IT.
577
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,513
I TRIED TO GET THEM
TO CONFESS TO A MURDER
578
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,515
THAT I THINK
I COMMITTED.
579
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,058
[ SIGH ]
I'M NOT YOU.
580
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,518
I DON'T HAVE
THAT NATURAL HATE.
581
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:10,769
YOU WERE BORN
FOR THIS.
582
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:12,521
YOU DON'T KNOW
THE HALF OF IT.
583
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,398
I HATE EVERYTHING.
SERIOUSLY.
584
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,901
I HATE MYSELF MORE
THAN MOST VILLAINS HATE
THEIR ARCH ENEMIES.
585
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,319
I'M ALL HATE.
586
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,529
NO, IT'S TRUE.
587
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:24,074
AND I AM HONORED
TO SERVE IN YOUR
RANKS, SIR.
588
00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:25,158
REALLY?
589
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,618
TOTALLY.
OH, HEY, YOU
WANNA HANG OUT?
590
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,372
WE CAN PLAY CARDS,
OR WATCH JOSIE AND
THE PUSSYCATS.
591
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,582
SLO-MO THE ROSARIO
DAWSON SCENES.
592
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,544
LIKE WHEN 24 WAS
STILL HERE.
593
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,712
OLD TIMES?
594
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,714
THIS IS VERY TOUCHING,
SO HERE'S WHAT I'LL DO.
595
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:41,383
INSTEAD OF HAVING YOU EXECUTED
FOR SUSPECTED TREASON,
596
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,386
I'LL LEAVE YOU
TO PLAY IN YOUR TREE FORT
597
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,889
BEFORE I BURN IT DOWN,
OKAY?
598
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,725
SEE, TOTAL PRO!
599
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,727
YOU ARE THE MIGHTY
MONARCH!
600
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,771
DON'T EVER
FORGET THAT.
601
00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:27,387
DUDE, GUESS WHO DID
A SPREAD
602
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,890
FOR MODERN ENEMY MONTHLY?
603
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,266
TA-DA!
604
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,351
DUDE,
WHERE ARE YOU?
605
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:36,396
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OVER THERE?