1
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:09,259
THERE HE IS,
2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,594
SOAKED IN OUR BROTHER'S BLOOD,
3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,889
LITERALLY REDHANDED.
4
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:18,226
TAKE THE SHOT,
COUNCILWOMAN.
5
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,231
AGH!
6
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:26,025
#21: WHAT THE...? I KNOW!
CRAZY!
7
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,819
HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!
8
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,447
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
9
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,866
WELL, IT ALL STARTED
WHEN I WAS IN 8th GRADE.
10
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,034
YOU KNOW THE 8th-GRADE
WASHINGTON, D.C. TRIP?
11
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,162
WELL, OURS,
WE HAD TO PRESENT A FLAG
12
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,956
TO SENATOR
BEN NIGHTHORSE CAMPBELL --
13
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:42,167
AWESOME NAME -- AND I WAS
THE KID THEY CHOSE TO DO IT.
14
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,835
NOW, BECAUSE I WAS A HUGE KID
15
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,463
AND BECAUSE HENCHMEN
DON'T DO THAT MUCH RESEARCH,
16
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,883
I GOT KIDNAPPED, INSTEAD OF
SENATOR NIGHTHORSE CAMPBELL.
17
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,594
[ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
18
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:57,807
YOU JUST HAVE TO SIGN THIS
AND, THEN, WE'LL LET YOU GO.
19
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,393
IT'S A HARMLESS LITTLE LAW
I'D LIKE YOU TO INSTATE.
20
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,188
IT SIMPLY MAKES
THE SURNAME VENTURE
21
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,773
ILLEGAL!
22
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,441
NYAH HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
23
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,359
ISN'T THAT AWESOME?!
LIKE HE WASN'T GONNA
24
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,528
RANSOM THE SENATOR,
OR ANYTHING.
25
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,114
HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE
DR. VENTURE'S NAME ILLEGAL.
26
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,825
IT SOUNDS IDIOTIC, RIGHT?
BUT JUST THINK ABOUT IT:
27
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,578
EVERY TIME DR. VENTURE
ORDERS PIZZA
28
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,663
OR LIKE TRIES TO CASH
A CHECK, OR ANYTHING,
29
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,123
BOOM!
THEY ARREST HIS ASS.
30
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,666
CLASSIC MONARCH!
-AHHH!
31
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,795
I'M TELLING YOU, SIR, [sniffle]
YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON.
32
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:30,089
[scoff] WHO THE HELL
IS GARY FISCHER?!
33
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,550
ME!
I-I'M GARY FISCHER!
34
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,761
YOU MORONS KIDNAPPED
THE WRONG GUY!
35
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,180
BUT HE HAD THE FLAG
AND HE LOOKED
36
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,557
WAY MORE SENATORIAL
THAN THE OTHER GUY
37
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,850
'CAUSE HE...FLAG.
38
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,561
SIR, AS TEAM LEADER,
I ACCEPT THE FULL RESP--
39
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,813
[ZAP]
GET RID OF THIS IDIOT.
40
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,189
HIM, TOO.
41
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,524
#21: THEY DIDN'T KILL ME,
OBVIOUSLY.
42
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,025
THEY RECRUITED ME.
43
00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:51,069
I BECAME A HENCHMAN FOR THE
MIGHTY MONARCH ON THAT DAY
44
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,279
AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.
45
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,073
I NEVER FINISHED
8th GRADE, EITHER.
46
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,616
I GOT MY GED LATER, THOUGH.
47
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,409
YOU KNOW, IN CASE
HENCHING DIDN'T PAN OUT,
48
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,994
IT IS GOOD TO HAVE A FALLBACK.
49
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,329
HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
50
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,873
EVERY TIME I THINK
I'VE GOT HIM IN MY GRIP,
51
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,500
HE SLITHERS OUT!
52
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,795
YOU MARK MY WORDS,
YOU LITTLE WORM.
53
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,672
I WILL GET YOU,
54
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,382
DR. HEINIE!
55
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,925
SEE? NOT COOL.
56
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,760
AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS?
-WELL, I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND
57
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,930
THAT IT'S WORTHY OF THE SPIN,
BUT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
58
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:20,849
PLUS, DR. HEINIE
IS KINDA FAMOUS.
59
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,475
HIS LASER-HEMORRHOID-
REMOVAL POSTERS
60
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,102
ARE ALL OVER THE SUBWAY.
61
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,396
IT'LL TOTALLY MAKE THE PAPERS
WHEN YOU THWART HIM.
62
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,064
IT'S A GOOD THWART.
-WASTED THWART.
63
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,149
OH, HONEY,
WHEN YOU THWART HIM,
64
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,944
YOU'LL BE A LEVEL-5
CANDIDATE AND YOU'LL BE
65
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,320
THWARTING VENTURE
IN NO TIME.
66
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,196
FINE!
67
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,115
I'LL THWART DR. HEINIE.
68
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,783
GOOD.
BE CAREFUL.
69
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,118
OH, OF COURSE.
70
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,495
AFTER ALL, THE GUY HAS
HEMORRHOID LASERS.
71
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,247
OH, NO!
-SWEETIE, THERE'S A VIGILANTE
72
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,999
OUT THERE,
KILLING SUPERVILLAINS.
73
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,834
GRANTED, HE'S ONLY
KILLING LEVEL 10s,
74
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,003
BUT I STILL WANT YOU
TO BE CAREFUL.
75
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,254
THE BLUE MORPHO?
76
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,589
THE BLUE MORPHO.
77
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,924
[scoff] I'M NOT AFRAID
OF THE BLUE MORPHO.
78
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,719
THE BLUE MORPHO PROBLEM
WAS SERIOUSLY
79
00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,263
THE LAST THING
THE GUILD SAW COMIN'.
80
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,432
EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT:
NEW HEADQUARTERS,
81
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,059
NEW COUNCIL OF 13,
RECRUITMENT WAS ON THE RISE,
82
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,437
AND THEN, THE BLUE MORPHO
COMES BACK.
83
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,981
THE COUNCIL ASSEMBLED
A TASKFORCE TO DEAL WITH IT.
84
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,649
WE CALLED IT
THE FIVE POINT FIVE.
85
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,610
THE POINT FIVE
WERE WATCH AND WARD, WHO,
86
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,111
NOT BEING
ACTUAL COUNCIL MEMBERS,
87
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,863
HAD TO SIT AT A KIDDIE TABLE.
88
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,489
I-I VOTED AGAINST IT.
89
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,909
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ACCESS
TO WHATEVER FILES
90
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,952
SURVIVED THE DESTRUCTION
OF THE OLD GUILD.
91
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,455
USELESS. THE GUILD NEVER
KEPT RECORDS ON BM.
92
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,623
FOR OBVIOUS REASONS,
93
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,333
COULD YOU NOT
ABBREVIATE HIS NAME!
94
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,877
SECONDED! IT SOUNDS
AS IF WE'RE DISCUSSING
95
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,795
A WALKING, TALKING POOPY!
96
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,548
UGH. BLUE MORPHO
WAS A VIGILANTE.
97
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,967
HE NEVER APPLIED
FOR GUILD ARCHING RIGHTS.
98
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,427
HE WAS A MENACE
99
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,304
AND THE GUILD
PUT A PRICE ON HIS HEAD.
100
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,933
IN 1976, THAT BOUNTY
WAS CLAIMED.
101
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,351
MAYBE IT'S A REVENGE THING?
102
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,852
WHO CLAIMED THE BOUNTY?
103
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,939
SADLY, OUR PREDECESSOR,
THE LATE, GREAT SOVEREIGN,
104
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,523
DESTROYED THAT INFORMATION.
105
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,234
IT DOESN'T MATTER!
ME, RED MANTLE, DRAGOON,
106
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,404
ALL THE OLDTIMERS,
REMEMBER THE BLUE MORPHO.
107
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,949
YES, YES!
HE WORE MOSTLY BLUE!
108
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,992
LIKE A RESPLENDENT
BLUE TOMATO!
109
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,827
WERE THERE SUCH A THING,
OF COURSE.
110
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,663
YES, WE GET IT, OLD FRIEND.
111
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,998
WHAT YOU DO NOT REALIZE IS
THAT THE BLUE MORPHO
112
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,250
WAS THE JUNKYARD DOG
OF TEAM VENTURE.
113
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,752
OH, WAS HE?
-INDEED.
114
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,755
IF THERE WAS A DIRTY JOB
THAT THE SQUEAKY-CLEAN
115
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,676
JONAS VENTURE NEEDED DONE,
HE SENT THE BLUE MORPHO.
116
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,053
I REMEMBER, IN 1973,
117
00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,639
KEPPEL HARBOR, SINGAPORE.
118
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:28,184
I HAD JUST SPENT THE NIGHT WITH
TENNIS GREAT BILLIE JEAN KING,
119
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,937
PERFORMING MY OWN
BATTLE OF THE SEXES.
120
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,981
MMM, PERFECT.
121
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,899
40-LOVE.
122
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,527
THERE IS NOTHING A MAN
HOPPED UP ON GINKGO BILOBA
123
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,279
AND PARADISE WHITE CANNOT
DO BENEATH THE SHEETS.
124
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,573
DO YOU KNOW
WHY I'M HERE?
125
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,743
BECAUSE I SEDUCED YOU WITH
MY PERFECT ANIMAL CHARM
126
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,412
AND MY SLIM, HAIRLESS
ASIAN BODY
127
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,414
APPEARS VAGUELY FEMININE
IN THIS LIGHT? [chuckle]
128
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,749
NO.
129
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,042
I WAS SENT HERE.
130
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,044
BY JONAS VENTURE.
131
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,296
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
HAND OVER THE JADE DRAGON
132
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:01,009
BEFORE I SPRAY YOUR BRAINS
ALL OVER THAT WALL.
133
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,844
I COMPLIED, OF COURSE.
134
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,721
IT WAS ALL KINDS OF SCARY.
135
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:08,599
BUT HERE IS THE PART THAT HAS
BEEN TROUBLING ME FOR 40 YEARS:
136
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,561
I PERFORMED EVERY KNOWN
SEXUAL ACT THAT NIGHT!
137
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:12,854
I MEAN, EVERYTHING!
138
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,313
I DON'T KNOW IF HE DID A --
A SWITCHEROO
139
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,858
OR HE JUST HAD
A SUPERDUPER COSTUME,
140
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:20,111
BUT I MADE TENDER,
YET PURELY ACCIDENTAL, LOVE
141
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:21,904
TO THE BLUE MORPHO.
142
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,824
SO WHEN I TELL YOU
THAT HE WOULD'VE DONE ANYTHING
143
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,075
FOR JONAS VENTURE,
144
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,827
YOU CAN BET
YOUR SWEET BIPPY
145
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,037
THAT I. MEAN.
ANYTHING.
146
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,956
DR. Z, HAVE YOU NO SENSE
OF DECENCY, SIR?
147
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,500
WHAT?
IT WAS THE 1970s!
148
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,836
SO I ASK YOU TO CHILL
AND CUT ME SOME SLACK.
149
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,213
MY POINT IS THAT,
IF YOU WANT TO FIND
150
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,884
THIS NEW BLUE MORPHO, YOU
MUST START WITH ONE MAN:
151
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,261
THE SON AND HEIR
OF JONAS VENTURE!
152
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,597
Doc: THIS HAS TO GO
LIKE CLOCKWORK.
153
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,059
THIS FAMILY HAS BEEN SHOT AT,
SHOT DOWN, AND SHOT FROM,
154
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,061
MORE TIMES THAN ANY OTHER
FAMILY IN HISTORY.
155
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,479
WE ARE VENTURES!
156
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,230
THIS IS LIKE A DREAM
I ONCE HAD --
157
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,024
NOT YOU GUYS, OBVIOUSLY.
-YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.
158
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,484
BROCK, HATRED,
159
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,360
I'M GONNA WANT FULL-SECURITY
VIGILANCE FROM YOU TWO.
160
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,696
THE SECOND HE ARRIVES,
I WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE HE'S
161
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,114
AS SAFE AS A KITTEN.
162
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,908
CAN DO!
-WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
163
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,284
YOU TWO HAVE ONLY ONE JOB:
164
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,912
DO NOT EMBARRASS ME.
THAT'S IT.
165
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,831
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT
OF YOUR FATHER'S LIFE.
166
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,292
ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST
BACK THIS UP A TINK.
167
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,711
LAST WEEK,
I WENT TO A SWANKASS PARTY
168
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:19,879
TO MAKE SOME CONNECTIONS.
169
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,589
NOTHING BUT A BUNCH NUMBSKULLS
170
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,633
WHO NEVER ACCOMPLISHED
ANYTHING THEMSELVES,
171
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,469
YET, THEY LOOK DOWN ON SOMEONE
WHO STOOD ON THE MOON.
172
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,722
THE MOON!
I WAS 7 YEARS OLD.
173
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,099
LET'S DO THIS.
174
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,642
BUSINESS CARDS
AND CELL NUMBERS.
175
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,977
EXACTLY. NO "I'LL CALL YOU
WHEN BLAH BLAH BLAH"
176
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,521
AND, IF THEY ASK YOU
WHY YOU'RE THERE, SAY,
177
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,648
"WHY, DEAR, DEAR GLORIA
INVITED US."
178
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,024
ARE WE SURE
THERE'S A GLORIA HERE?
179
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,609
THERE'S ALWAYS A GLORIA.
180
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:42,819
ALWAYS A GLORIA!
181
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,071
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE,
I PROMISE YOU:
182
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,115
YOUR LIFE IS BETTER
THAN THESE WEALTHY MORONS.
183
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,658
ALL THEY DO IS COMPLAIN.
184
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,119
THEY'RE LIKE A DOG TIED UP IN
THE BACKYARD WITH NOTHING TO DO:
185
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,495
THEY END UP
GNAWING OFF THEIR HAIR
186
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,163
AND GETTING OBSESSED
WITH A FRISBEE.
187
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,040
AH, WE STRUCK OUT.
HOW'D IT GO WITH YOU?
188
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,708
THEY WON'T EVEN
TALK TO ME.
189
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,836
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT HIM.
190
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:00,962
WHO'S "HIM"?
191
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,005
HIM IS CHRISTOPHER LAM-BURT.
192
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,382
THE HIGHLANDER,
193
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,008
CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT?
[lam-bear]
194
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,927
EXACTLY.
WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT US.
195
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,347
YOU GET HIM, WE HAVE ALL
OF THESE CHUMPS IN OUR POCKET.
196
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:15,101
Doc: CHRISTOPHER
MOTHER FUCKING LAMBERT.
197
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:17,562
THE LORD OF THE APES,
LORD RAYDEN,
198
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,313
AND ONCE LORD OF DIANE LANE!
199
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,691
THE GUY HAD SEX
WITH DIANE LANE!
200
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,025
MULTIPLE TIMES!
201
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,403
THERE HE WAS, SITTING
ON A COUCH, EATING PâTé.
202
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,780
IN REAL LIFE, HE LOOKS
A LOT LIKE TED DANSON,
203
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,701
BUT WITH A KIND OF MAGIC
THAT ONLY A LAMBERT HAS --
204
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,035
CHRIS HAS.
205
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,997
HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM CHRIS.
206
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,291
READY, KANO?
207
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,334
READY, BLUE MORPHO!
208
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,795
ENGAGE COSTUME PODS.
209
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,964
WHERE'S MY MORPHO SUIT?!
210
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,924
YOU'RE WEARING THE OLD
BLACK AND GOLD TONIGHT,
211
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,718
SO I BROUGHT THE MORPHO
SUIT IN TO BE FIXED.
212
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,512
IT HAD 1970s KEVLAR
FLAKING OFF THE LINING.
213
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,139
DUDE! THAT'S --
YOU CAN'T BRING THAT
214
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,474
TO A FUCKING DRY CLEANERS.
-OH, MY GOD, CHILL.
215
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,101
THERE IS THIS PLACE
RIGHT IN LITTLE ITALY.
216
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,687
THEY SPECIALIZE IN ANTAGONIST
AND PROTAGONIST COSTUMES.
217
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,272
IT'S LIKE A SWISS BANK.
WE'RE COOL.
218
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:04,150
ENH. I CAN'T SAY
I MISSED THIS CROWN.
219
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,235
STUPID THING
IS ALWAYS FALLING OFF.
220
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,070
AGGH! I WISH I COULD GO
WITH YOU TONIGHT!
221
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,740
DUDE, I HAVE TO BE KICKIN'
THAT HEMORRHOID GUY'S ASS
222
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,074
WHEN YOUR MORPHO KILL
GOES DOWN.
223
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,284
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!
224
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,453
UP GOES OUR
EMA ARCHING LEVEL;
225
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,205
DOWN GOES OUR SUSPICION
LEVEL. DUH.
226
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,581
YEAH, I KNOW.
227
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,125
BUT THE NEXT GUY ON OUR LIST
IS THE WANDERING SPIDER.
228
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,003
OH, PLEASE, THE GUY'S
A HAS-BEEN AND A LUSH.
229
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,463
HE KILLED MR. ENERGY!
230
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,423
MR. ENERGY
ELECTROCUTED HIMSELF,
231
00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:28,799
WATERING HIS LAWN.
232
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,426
WANDERING SPIDER
JUST ALTERED HIS REPORT
233
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:32,261
TO LIVE OFF
HIS ARCHING INSURANCE.
234
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,430
SOVEREIGN-ERA
GUILD SHENANIGANS.
235
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,598
NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF.
236
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,600
JUST FLY HIS ASS
TO THE PINE BARRENS,
237
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,770
EXECUTE HIM DURING THE
ECLIPSE, AND BURY HIM!
238
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,772
[whines] WHY CAN'T I
THWART DR. HEINIE?!
239
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:46,067
RIGHT AT THE ECLIPSE!
YOU BIG BABY.
240
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:49,904
[singsong] ENZO,
IT'S YOUR FAVORITE CLIENT.
241
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,240
EH, DR. THE RUSTY.
242
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,242
YOU LOOK LIKE
A MILLION DOLLARS.
243
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:57,620
AND THIS FINE BOY
IS YOURS, NO?
244
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,455
UH, THAT'S DEAN.
-DEAN!
245
00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,123
SUCH A MANLY NAME, HUH?
246
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,292
WANT I TO MAKE HIM
A PERFECT SPEEDSUIT
247
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,168
TO SHOW OFF
HIS MANLY CURVES?
248
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,795
WE'RE NOT HERE FOR DEAN.
249
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:10,174
I HAVE TO ASK YOU
IF YOU'VE EVER MADE ANYONE
250
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,467
THE PATRIARCH.
251
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,469
[gasp]
THE PATRIARCH?
252
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:15,972
WHERE DID YOU EVER HEAR
ENZO DO THIS?
253
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,766
ENZO NEVER GIVE NAMES
OF HIS CLIENTS, NEVER!
254
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,810
HE EAT POISON
BEFORE HE TELL.
255
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,144
ENZO, I'VE SEEN IT!
256
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,146
IT WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL SPEEDSUIT
257
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,900
I'VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON
AND, GODDAMN IT, I WANT ONE.
258
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,443
MAKE ME THE PATRIARCH.
259
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,905
NO-O-O!
NOT THE PATRIARCH.
260
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,156
SHE IS A BITCH.
261
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,285
EACH GOLD THREAD
TWISTED BY HAND,
262
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,454
EACH BEAD SHAPED
FROM TINY PEARLS.
263
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,291
SHE'S LINED WITH CALF
AND SILK!
264
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,251
NO! WHY YOU WANT
THE PATRIARCH?
265
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,837
BECAUSE I'M THROWING A LITTLE
LUNAR ECLIPSE PARTY
266
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,382
AND I'VE INVITED
CHRISTOPHER LAM--
267
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:52,591
YOU SHUT THAT!
268
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,927
OKAY.
THIS MAN YOU SPEAK OF.
269
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,847
MAYBE I KNOW HIS TASTES.
MAYBE I JUST GUESS.
270
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,141
BUT, HE IS A CLASSIC.
271
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,892
ENZO MAKE YOU
A TUXEDO, ENH?
272
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,186
A TUXEDO
IN MIDNIGHT BLUE.
273
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,313
BLUE TUXEDO?
274
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,647
HEIGHT OF FASHION.
[gasp]
275
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,399
WHO MAKE THE BLUE
TUXEDO FAMOUS?
276
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,525
DUKE OF WINDSOR!
277
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,694
MOST STYLISH MAN EVER
IN HISTORY OF WORLD.
278
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,487
MAYBE ENZO MAKE
HIS TUXEDO, EVEN?
279
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,740
ENZO NEVER TELL.
280
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,409
HA! I GET YOU SAMPLES.
YOU WAIT.
281
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:22,580
SO, UH, HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE
TO MAKE THIS THING?
282
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,915
FOR YOU,
FAVORITE CLIENT?
283
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:28,044
TWO, PERHAPS THREE, WEEKS.
NO MORE.
284
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,503
OKAY.
285
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:33,132
UM, HEY, I GOTTA RUN,
BUT, I'LL BE BACK SOON.
286
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,925
JUST -- OKAY, BACK SOON.
287
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:38,679
I'M LEAVING NOW!
GONNA GO ARCHING!
288
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,307
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I'M
SO PROUD OF YOU, SWEETIE.
289
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,558
ARE YOU TAKING #21
WITH YOU?
290
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:45,394
YEAH, HE'S ALREADY
AT THE BUS STATION.
291
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,896
AHH, THE MONARCH!
292
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,065
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU
IN YOUR COLORS.
293
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,900
I HAVE A RATHER
PRESSING MATTER
294
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,985
FOR YOUR WIFE, SO MAY I...?
-KITCHEN.
295
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,487
ALL RIGHT.
296
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,740
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
297
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,248
AH.
298
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,292
HEY, CAN I GET
A HAND HERE?
299
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,752
DAMN CAST. I CAN'T --
300
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,630
YOU KNOW, I BROKE MY ARM,
SO, IF YOU COULD JUST
301
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,340
GIVE ME A HAND AND WE CAN
JUST GET THAT IN THERE.
302
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,966
YEAH, THAT'S NOT
GOING TO WORK.
303
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,468
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU JUST GET IN
304
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:18,803
AND I'LL JUST
KIND OF TIP IT.
305
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,763
YOU KNOW, TIP IT
AND YOU CAN PULL IT.
306
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,890
DIOS MíO.
-GET A SCOOCH IN THERE.
307
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,642
OKAY, JUST EDGE IT IN.
308
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,976
YOU'RE LIKE, WHAT,
LIKE --
309
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,479
LIKE A WANDERING SPIDER,
OR SOMETHING?
310
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,398
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
311
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,690
I'M BLUE MORPHO.
312
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,193
[ HISSING ]
313
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,826
LEVEL 10, LEVEL 4,
LEVEL WHATEVER.
314
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,285
IT'S NOT THAT CONFUSING.
315
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,414
EMA LEVEL MEANS EQUALLY MATCHED
AGGRESSION LEVEL.
316
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,541
IT ALL STARTED WITH --
THAT'S RIGHT --
317
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,043
THE ORIGINAL DR. VENTURE.
318
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,254
SEE, 50 YEARS AGO,
THERE WAS THIS FRESHMAN VILLAIN
319
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,463
CALLED TURNBUCKLE.
320
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,258
NO FANCY CAR, NO WEAPONS,
NO CLUE, RIGHT?
321
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:59,760
HE SHOWS UP AT THE VENTURE
COMPOUND AND SNATCHES RUSTY
322
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,847
FROM HIS PLAYPEN, OR WHATEVER,
AND DEMANDS A FIGHT.
323
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,850
STEP AWAY FROM THE BOY.
324
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,769
CAUTION.
YOU FACE TU-R-RNBUCKLE.
325
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,689
MY PUNCH IS DEVASTATING.
326
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,942
STEP THE FUCK AWAY
FROM THE BOY!
327
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:18,237
THE GUY PUTS UP HIS DUKES
LIKE A TOTAL DOUCHE.
328
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,531
SO THE ACTION MAN,
BECAUSE HE'S A FULL-ON PSYCHO,
329
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,367
PISTOL-WHIPS HIM INTO THE GROUND
LIKE A TENT POLE.
330
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,744
AND THEN, THIS TURNBUCKLE,
HE LOOKS UP AND SAYS...
331
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,747
KISS MY ASS.
332
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,667
CLICK.
TAKES ONE RIGHT IN THE BRAIN.
333
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:32,960
NOT EQUAL.
334
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,753
SO THEY CAME UP
WITH THIS SYSTEM.
335
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:38,424
YOU HAVE HUGE BALLS, A DEADLY
PARTNER, ARMED HEADQUARTERS,
336
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,634
A HUGE HENCHMAN ARMY,
AND A FLYING CAR,
337
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,720
YOU'RE LIKE A LEVEL 9 OR 10.
338
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,222
IF YOU JUST HAVE A SIDEKICK
AND ENOUGH CHANGE
339
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,433
TO RIDE THE NEW JERSEY
PATH TRAIN,
340
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:48,434
YOU'RE A 4.
341
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,643
GUESS WHO'S A 4.
342
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,188
COME, NOW.
WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?
343
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,482
WIDE WALE'S SURVEILLANCE
TAPES CLEARLY SHOW
344
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,775
THAT DR. VENTURE WAS
DRESSED AS BLUE MORPHO.
345
00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:00,279
ILLEGALLY OBTAINED SURVEILLANCE
FOOTAGE ISN'T ENOUGH TO MOVE ON.
346
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,239
AND WHAT OF THIS
GRAPPLE GUN WE SALVAGED
347
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,824
FROM THE WRECK
OF THE DOOM FACTORY?
348
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,784
LOOK, HERE ARE
THE MECHANICS.
349
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,204
THAT IS THE
VENTURE INDUSTRIES LOGO.
350
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,998
HE ALL BUT LEFT HIS BUSINESS
CARD TO TAUNT US.
351
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,083
OKAY, LISTEN, WE'LL ASSEMBLE
THE FIVE POINT FIVE
352
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,251
AND WE'RE GONNA DEAL
WITH THIS BY THE --
353
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,170
OPEN YOUR EYES, WOMAN!
-BOOK.
354
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,630
NOT ANOTHER ONE
OF US WILL DIE!
355
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,342
THIS LIST, IT'S NOT JUST
RANDOM LEVEL-10 VILLAINS.
356
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:22,718
THIS IS A LIST
OF DR. VENTURE'S
357
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:23,969
ARCHING RIGHTS.
358
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:27,264
HE HAS BEEN KILLING HIS
WAY THROUGH THIS LIST.
359
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,807
WELL, WHY?
HE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
360
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,100
I'VE WATCHED HIM STAND
ON A CHAIR
361
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,810
BECAUSE HE SAW A COCKROACH!
362
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,230
MONEY, POWER, GREED!
THEY CHANGE PEOPLE.
363
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,940
WE MUST STOP THIS
TONIGHT!
364
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,442
NOT AS GUILD MEMBERS,
BUT AS BRETHREN.
365
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,277
AS VILLAINS!
366
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,737
[sigh]
WHO'S NEXT ON THE LIST?
367
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,447
THE WANDERING SPIDER.
368
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,157
WELL, WE SHOULD CALL HIM
RIGHT AWAY.
369
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,325
MAYBE HE --
-DON'T BOTHER.
370
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:48,994
WE HAVE,
AND HE IS MISSING.
371
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,372
COME WITH ME. WE HAVE
ONLY MOMENTS TO SPARE!
372
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:54,124
#21: I DON'T WANNA KILL ANYONE.
373
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:57,378
YEAH, I KNOW, I'M A HENCHMAN.
THAT'S WHAT WE DO: KILL.
374
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:58,754
YOU KNOW,
BACK IN THE MONARCH CREW,
375
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:00,172
WE CALLED IT
"GETTING YOUR WINGS".
376
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,508
I WAS 16 WHEN I GOT MY WINGS.
377
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:06,178
SO, WE'RE ARCHING THIS GUY
CALLED PROFESSOR VIBRATIONS.
378
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,013
HIPPIE CREAMPUFF,
FOUGHT ALL HIS BATTLES
379
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,724
WITH ROBOTS
AND SOME VIBROGUN THING.
380
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,601
SO LAME,
BUT HE WAS STILL NUTS.
381
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,437
SO I'M LOOKING FOR A PLACE
TO HIDE MY FAT ASS,
382
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,023
'CAUSE I'M 16
AND I'M TERRIFIED
383
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,984
AND WHO DO I ALL BUT KNOCK OVER?
384
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,485
PROFESSOR VIBRATIONS.
385
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,820
HE HAD ME DEAD TO RIGHTS.
386
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,780
COULD'VE VIBRATED MY HEAD OFF.
387
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:26,156
AND THEN, HE SUDDENLY DIED.
388
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,242
LIKE OF HAPPINESS,
OR SOMETHING.
389
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,827
NO, THAT HAPPENS!
390
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,370
REMEMBER THAT VIDEOGAME
"BERSERK"?
391
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,623
IN LIKE 1981, THIS KID
NAMED JEFF DAILEY DIED
392
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,125
RIGHT AFTER HE GOT A HIGH SCORE.
393
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,918
"GOT THE HUMANOID!"
394
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,461
CLUNK, DEAD.
395
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:43,549
THEN, LIKE A YEAR LATER,
ANOTHER KID DIES, THE SAME WAY.
396
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,092
OF HAPPINESS!
397
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,514
MARGARET, WOULD YOU PLEASE
SEND IN THE NEXT PATIENT?
398
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,308
M-MARGARET?
399
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,101
I GUESS
THAT WOULD BE ME.
400
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:57,605
I HAVE A HUGE PAIN
IN MY ASS, DOCTOR.
401
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,106
[ CHUCKLE ]
402
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,941
[ SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS ]
403
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,235
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: AH, THESE
FUCKING OLD-TIME VILLAINS.
404
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,778
THE SECOND THINGS GET HAIRY,
405
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,989
THEY SCRAP PROTOCOL
AND DO IT THEIR WAY.
406
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,991
SOMETHING INSIDE ME WANTED THIS.
407
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,661
ALL THE DIEHARDS, THE KOOKS,
THE REAL VILLAINS, THE CRAZIES,
408
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,121
THE BLOOD-STARVED ANIMALS,
409
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,873
THEY'RE ALL ASSEMBLED
AT WIDE WALE'S.
410
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,000
THEY'RE STARIN'
DOWN A GUN BARREL,
411
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,794
JUST WAITIN'
FOR DR. VENTURE TO MESS UP.
412
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,380
I'M ASHAMED TO SAY IT, BUT,
413
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,007
I HOPE HE DOES.
414
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,593
HEY, LOOK,
FREE WATER!
415
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,094
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
416
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,472
I MEANT LIKE
CREATE MOOD LIGHTING
417
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:32,848
AND CONVERSATION CORNERS.
418
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,351
THIS LOOKS LIKE A BABY
SHOWER FOR A TEEN MOM.
419
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,771
I TRIED TO STOP HIM, BUT THEN,
I APPRECIATED THE IRONY.
420
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,022
WHAT ARE THESE?
421
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,273
THEY'RE THE ECLIPSE
VIEWERS YOU WANTED.
422
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,941
THEY'RE
NOVELTY GLASSES!
423
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,360
YOU LOOK AT AN ECLIPSE
THROUGH THESE
424
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,778
AND YOUR EYES WILL MELT
OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
425
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:46,987
THEY DON'T EVEN
HAVE LENSES!
426
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,530
DOC, THIS IS
A LUNAR ECLIPSE.
427
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,032
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR
ANYTHING TO --
428
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,784
SHH!
WE GET PAID FOR THOSE.
429
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,118
OH, YEAH!
430
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,871
THEY'RE ALL SPRAYED
WITH ECLIPSIUM.
431
00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:57,998
THEY STOP RADIATION
AND MAGIC SPACE STUFF.
432
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,917
OH, GOOD.
SAFETY FIRST.
433
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,044
AND THE HATS?
-ALSO COATED WITH ECLIPSIUM.
434
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,004
HMM. YOU MIGHT WANT
TO GIVE 'EM
435
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,464
ANOTHER COUPLE COATS.
ME AND CHRIS --
436
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:09,259
LAMBERT, OF COURSE,
HAVE SENSITIVE HEADS.
437
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,387
[ OWL HOOTS,
INSECTS BUZZ ]
438
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,064
[ GRUNTS ]
439
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,399
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE HEAVY!
440
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,485
YOU WEARING A FLACK VEST,
OR SOMETHING?
441
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:27,403
WHOA!
442
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,072
AH!
WHAT THE HELL?!
443
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,741
[ POWERING UP ]
444
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,160
DUDE.
445
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,787
A-ARE YOU AWAKE?
446
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,123
HEY! YOU AWAKE?
447
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,792
OW. ALL RIGHT,
I JUST DID THAT TO MYSELF.
448
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:44,253
JUST MY LUCK.
449
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,922
AW, CRAP,
IT'S FALLIN' ASLEEP.
450
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,882
Doc: AH. HEH.
451
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,926
I GUESS HE'S GOING TO BE
FASHIONABLY LATE.
452
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:52,845
OR FASHIONABLY
SOMEWHERE BETTER.
453
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:54,638
OH, MY GOD. DID YOU
INVITE ANYBODY ELSE?
454
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,974
LIKE YOUR MOM,
OR MAYBE THAT FOX
455
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,017
FROM THE CARFAX
COMMERCIAL?
456
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,978
THE CARFAX FOX.
-HE'S ALREADY DRUNK.
457
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,021
I JUST FIGURED CHRIS
WOULD INVITE
458
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:03,939
ALL HIS FANCY FRIENDS.
459
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,274
WHAT CAN I GET YA, SLIM?
460
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,900
WHY DON'TCHA POUR OUT
YOUR HEART,
461
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,152
AS I POUR OUT A STIFF ONE.
462
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:11,029
HANK'S THE NAME AND THIS
HERE'S ME WATERIN' HOLE.
463
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,406
STOP, HANK.
464
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,950
FINE. HOW ABOUT
A RUDDY BOTTOM.
465
00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:16,160
YEAH, UNLESS THE NAME
OF THE DRINK
466
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,162
INCLUDES THE INGREDIENTS,
I CAN'T HELP YA.
467
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:21,123
PERHAPS A GIN AND TONIC
THAT'S MADE OF GIN AND TONIC?
468
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,667
YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S TIME
YOU LEARNED A DOCTAIL.
469
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,960
THE RUDDY BOTTOM.
470
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,796
THAT'S TALL-GLASS GRENADINE
WITH TOMATO JUICE
471
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,048
AND A JIGGER OF RUM.
472
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,675
SWEET! I'LL HAVE
A RUDDY BOTTOM, TOO.
473
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,678
BUT, INSTEAD OF GRENADINE,
I'LL HAVE RUM.
474
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,305
AND REPLACE THE TOMATO:
475
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,514
ALSO RUM.
476
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,141
[chuckling] YEAH-EAH-EAH.
ALL RIGHT.
477
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,059
THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE.
478
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,187
THIS IS HOW WE DID IT
BACK IN THE DAY,
479
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,773
WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
CHECK WITH MOMMY
480
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,608
TO PROTECT WHAT'S YOURS.
481
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,942
THIS IS SO EXCITING!
482
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,153
LIKE WHEN WE WERE
YOUNG AND DUMB
483
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,322
AND EVERYTHING WAS POINTY
AND DANGEROUS.
484
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,615
WHAT HAVE WE MISSED?
485
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,074
OH, YOU JUST MISSED
JACK SQUAT.
486
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,076
THIS IS CRAZY, YOU GUYS.
487
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,537
LET'S JUST ALL RELAX
AND THINK THIS OVER.
488
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,498
[ MOANING ]
489
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,124
AHH, WE GOTTA DO
ANOTHER ONE.
490
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,584
CROWN WAS ALL MESSED UP
IN THAT LAST ONE.
491
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,169
AND LOOK MORE TERRIFIED,
WILL YA?
492
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,754
LIKE I'M TOTALLY BADASS.
493
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,005
OH, I AM TERRIFIED!
494
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,256
PLEASE, LET ME GO.
495
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,883
WELL, ACT IT!
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LAUGHING
496
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,343
IN HALF THE PICTURES.
497
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,594
SOME PEOPLE LAUGH
WHEN THEY'RE NERVOUS.
498
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,179
WHAT DO YOU WANT
FROM ME?
499
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,013
I'M TIED TO A THING.
500
00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:20,933
[ ALERT BEEPS ]
501
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,976
WELL! IT'S TIME
FOR THE ECLIPSE.
502
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,062
I'M GONNA GO OUT
AND VIEW.
503
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,021
ANY TAKERS?
504
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,147
AH, MAYBE LATER.
505
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,525
I'MA NA-NAP FOR A BIT.
506
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,984
AH! NICE.
507
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,444
YOU GOT RUDDY BOTTOM
ALL OVER ME.
508
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,864
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[INSECTS BUZZ]
509
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,324
[ CHANTING IN LATIN ]
510
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,202
[ PANTING ]
511
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,289
ALL RIGHT.
512
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,002
[ HISSING ]
513
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,379
OH, WHAT?
WH-WHAT'S GOING ON?
514
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,340
WHERE ARE WE? IS --
IS THAT MY PHONE?
515
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,050
YEAH. I WANT YOU TO SAY
YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED
516
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,593
BY THE BLUE MORPHO
AND THAT YOU'RE
517
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:57,886
IN A FOREST,
ABOUT TO BE EXECUTED.
518
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,179
AH! IS THAT TRUE?
519
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,556
A-ARE YOU GONNA
EXECUTE ME?
520
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:03,058
DUDE, SAY EXACTLY
WHAT I JUST SAID.
521
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,726
IT'S --
IT'S STILL RINGING!
522
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,894
[Ring]
[SOBBING]
523
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,229
WH-WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS?
524
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,814
DO YOU WANT MONEY?
I CAN GET YOU MONEY.
525
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,482
This is Guild Councilwoman
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
526
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,609
OH! IT'S GOING TO VOICEMAIL.
-WELL, LEAVE A MESSAGE!
527
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,820
TH-THAT WON'T
REALLY HELP ME!
528
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:15,988
[Beep]
WILL IT?
529
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:18,991
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
[BUZZ]
530
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,701
THE ECLIPSE
HAS STARTED.
531
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,411
THAT'S NOT ALL
THAT'S STARTED.
532
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,204
IT LOOKS LIKE THAT
BLUE MORPHO THERE LIKES
533
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,040
TO DANCE IN THE MOONLIGHT
AFTER A KILL.
534
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,335
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
535
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,254
AGH! THANKS, BILLY.
536
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,214
I'M ALL STICKY WITH GRENADINE.
537
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,507
IDIOT.
538
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,217
HUH? OH.
539
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,094
THAT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL.
540
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:41,597
A-A-AND, SENDING IT NOW.
541
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,848
IT'S A GOOD ONE.
542
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,182
HEY, YOU WANT ME TO PUT
ONE ON YOUR HOMEPAGE?
543
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,434
Wandering Spider:
PLEASE DON'T.
544
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:46,643
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DO THIS.
545
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,645
Y-YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THIS.
546
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:52,566
[sobbing]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO --
547
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,444
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
548
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,947
LOOK FOR YOURSELF,
COUNCILWOMAN.
549
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,365
OH, MY GOD.
550
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:04,244
THERE HE IS, SOAKED
IN OUR BROTHER'S BLOOD,
551
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,496
LITERALLY REDHANDED.
552
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,206
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
553
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,499
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
554
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,710
TAKE THE SHOT,
COUNCILWOMAN.
555
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,128
DO YOU WANT TO BE
REMEMBERED
556
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:15,547
AS THE BUREAUCRATIC
COWARD THAT HESITATED?
557
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,174
WHAT, DO GOTTA SEE,
DR. VENTURE
558
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,218
SLIT YOUR HUSBAND'S THROAT
BEFORE YOU END THIS MADNESS?
559
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,430
MADAM, I BEG YOU,
SHOOT HIM OR STEP ASIDE!
560
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,057
HE'S A KILLER!
561
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,810
[ CHANTING IN LATIN ]
562
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,104
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: SOMETIMES
YOU DO SOMETHING AND YOU KNOW,
563
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:34,816
THAT SECOND, YOU'LL REGRET IT
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
564
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,110
#21: BUT YOU HAD TO
MAKE THAT CHOICE!
565
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,278
YOU SAW NO OTHER WAY!
566
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,405
YOU'RE A TINY PART
OF A BIG MACHINE.
567
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,825
Doc: AND YOU FEEL SMALL,
LIKE YOU DON'T MATTER,
568
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,120
BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL,
YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT.
569
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,123
AGH!
570
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,125
Monarch: WELL, THAT'S IT.
571
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,418
DR. VENTURE'S DEAD.
572
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,128
AND NOBODY CARED.
573
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,507
HIS FRIENDS, HIS FAMILY,
HIS BODYGUARD,
574
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,717
EVEN HIS STUPID ROBOT,
575
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:03,261
DIDN'T CARE.
576
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,138
[ GASP ]
577
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,307
OH, PLEASE!
I'M KIDDING!
578
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:10,143
THAT WAS MY JACKET AND IT
HAS A BULLETPROOF LINING.
579
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,311
HE'S FINE!
580
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,146
IDIOT THOUGHT
HIS POCKET BLEW UP.
581
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,606
AND, BECAUSE HE STOLE IT
FROM A PLACE
582
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,108
THAT MAKES COSTUMES
FOR VILLAINS,
583
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,485
HE WAS TOO ASHAMED
TO TELL ANYONE.
584
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,487
THE NEXT DAY,
HE RETURNED IT TO ENZO'S.
585
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,573
HE EVEN HAD TO PAY
FOR MY TAILORING.
586
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,534
MY WIFE FINALLY
CHECKED HER PHONE
587
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:28,328
AND FOUND #21's MESSAGE
AND MY AWESOME SELFIE
588
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,247
AND THEY REALIZED
WHAT THEY DID.
589
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,708
SOMEHOW, SHE STILL SNUCK IN
AN "I TOLD YOU SO."
590
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:34,209
[scoff]
LIKE SHE WAS INNOCENT.
591
00:21:34,292 --> 00:21:37,212
WHAT, YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT MY POOR HENCHMAN?
592
00:21:37,295 --> 00:21:41,091
[SWING MUSIC PLAYS]
IT'S HIS JOB! PLEASE!
593
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,677
AND ME? I'M IN THE CLEAR.
I LOOK GREAT!
594
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:44,553
THIS?
595
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,221
THIS IS A HAPPY ENDING.
596
00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,598
♪ DING DING, ROUND 1
(DING DING, ROUND 1) ♪
597
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,643
♪ NOW THE BATTLE'S BEGUN
598
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,396
♪ DING DING, ROUND 2
(DING DING, ROUND 2) ♪
599
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,482
♪ SAID I'M COMIN' FOR YOU
600
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,152
♪ DING DING, ROUND 3
601
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:03,030
♪ I'M ON THE ROPES,
THERE GO MY HOPES ♪
602
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,408
♪ DING DING, ROUND 4,
I'M ON THE FLOOR ♪
603
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:09,703
♪ QUESTA è LA VITA
(C'EST LA VIE!) ♪♪
604
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,874
BY THE DAMN BOOK!
605
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:14,958
WE GOT LUCKY TONIGHT.
606
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:16,460
THIS BETTER BE
A LESSON TO US.
607
00:22:16,543 --> 00:22:18,503
LET'S JUST TRY TO FORGET IT
AND WE'RE GONNA M--
608
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:20,505
DID YOU SEE THAT?
609
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:22,382
RIGHT OVER THERE.
610
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,217
IS THAT
CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT?